Dating A Cop | The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly

The thought of dating a cop can be dreadful, but if you do end up with one, it can be the best experience of your life. But what does dating a police officer feel like?

Dating a cop is not as challenging as it looks from the outside. Your life would become a lot more exciting and thrilling. You’d be with someone having a strong mindset, clear life objectives, and who’s a quick thinker. Spending some quality time together might be difficult but can be managed.

Cops make great partners with all the concern they have for the people around them. You’ll also feel more secure. In this article we’ll discuss the advantages and disadvantages of dating a cop, along with a sneak peek into who do cops usually end up marrying.

PROs Of Dating A Cop

Here are some of the biggest advantages of dating a police officer.

1. A Great Personality

Most of us fantasize about dating someone in a uniform.

How can one resist someone whose job qualifications require being physically fit and upholding a strong moral character?

Your attraction won’t die for a cop, as they usually do not go out of shape until much later.

You don’t have to worry about them not working out enough to stay fit.

Every time you see them in their uniform, you will be head over heels for them once again.

Police officers attract a lot of attention because of their personality and field of work, which will make you hold on to them even stronger.

A Great Personality

2. Good Listeners

Cops are great active listeners, as it’s an integral part of their job. This is how they engage with people and consider even minor details.

So, while on a date with a cop, you don’t have to worry if they are interested in listening to you or their focus is elsewhere.

When they are with you, only you will be the center of their attention, and they will be all ears to whatever you have to say.

3. Like To Take Charge

You will not feel the pressure of decision-making while dating a cop, as they love to lead and take quick decisions.

They often take matters into their own hands rather than waiting for someone to step up. Cops do not have confused minds.

They know what they want and strive for it. So planning things will be a lot smoother with a cop than with a civilian.

You won’t have to worry about many problems as your date will be the barrier between you and a problem, especially security threats.

In other non-threatening matters, you can take a back seat when feeling lost and trust them to guide you through thick and thin.

4. Tend To Be Quite Punctual

Cops are punctual and value time. They won’t make you wait for them on dates but will always show up on time.

Again, you might find a few exceptions, but most of them tend to be really punctual.

It can be different in cases where they are attending to an emergency, but they will let you know if and when they’re stuck.

So, make sure that you also show up on time, as they admire punctual people and people who respect their time.

5. You’ll Feel Incredibly Safe

Cops are sworn to serve and protect the general public, so imagine what lengths they will go to keep the person they are dating safe.

The biggest perk of dating a cop is you never have to worry about your safety or being harassed by another cop (unnecessarily) as you are going around with one of them.

By unnecessarily we mean that you shouldn’t have done anything illegal.

Also, you will feel safe around them as they are professionally trained for combat. They are always on alert mode and carry a weapon with them all the time.

6. You’ll Feel Proud Of Your Partner

We all want to end up with someone who gains the respect of our friends and family.

It’s an added bonus when they are respected in the community as well, and dating a cop gives you that edge.

It takes the stress of disappointing your parents away.

You can proudly tell them you are dating a police officer who’s well respected in society and envied by many.

Cops often put our lives on the line for us and patrol the streets vigilantly to keep us safe.

To see them in a uniform, serving people selflessly, will give you an immense sense of pride and happiness. You’ll feel lucky to be with such a person.

7. Problem-Solving Skills

Police officers have remarkable problem-solving skills that may come in handy when you want solutions to your problems.

You can seek their help whenever you face difficulty dealing with things that feel a bit above your pay grade.

With their critical thinking and attention to detail, they can ease things up for you.

Also, the arguments between the two of you would not last long, as they would want to reach the core issue quickly and resolve it.

Problem-Solving Skills

8. Quick Response To Emergencies

The best thing about dating a cop is how great they are at dealing with emergencies.

You can get frightened, confused, and freeze in the situation, but your partner will know exactly what to do.

A cop is accustomed to acting fast in emergencies and trained to perform first aid and CPR. They don’t panic and try to bring the situation under control.

You can count on them to act responsibly and handle the situation without letting any harm reach your way.

9. Good At Expressing Themselves Thoroughly

Cops are good at speaking their hearts out and don’t have a tough time communicating their minds.

They will not bottle up their feelings or start acting weird and leave you wondering what’s wrong.

If they feel something is wrong, they will not beat around the bush but come straight to you and talk about what’s bugging them.

They won’t leave any stone unturned when resolving an issue.

Silent treatments lead to many misunderstandings and resentments between couples, but thankfully dating a cop can benefit you in this area.

10. You Can Learn Public Dealing

You can ask your date to teach you a thing or two about public dealing. Or you can just learn it through the experiences they share with you.

Not only that, but you will be a lot wiser because they can make you see the harsh realities of the world, which people often choose to ignore.

Cops are trained human lie detectors, so while dating one, you can learn to catch people’s lies. Next time, it won’t be easy to make a fool out of you.

But that also means they’ll catch you pretty quickly if you try to pull a smart one on them.

11. Pay Attention To Details

Cops are trained to pay attention to details due to their field of work.

Don’t get surprised if they show up with your favorite flowers or take you to your favorite nail art studio without you even mentioning it.

They can deduce many things correctly from the available clues, and you’d often feel like you’re with someone who understands you well.

They can make you feel special in thoughtful and unique ways, as they know the importance of knowing minor details and how to use them to their advantage.

12. Conversations Are Fun

When dating a cop, say bye-bye to boring conversations, as they always have something exciting to share, like the stories from their experiences.

These can be funny, sad, dramatic, thrilling, or heartbreaking, just like the movies, but here you know it’s real, and the person you are seeing has lived the experience.

You can build an emotional connection while they are sharing their life experiences.

Just by being a part of these conversations, you’ll have a good idea of how to behave in certain situations.

13. Police Officers Do Have Empathy

Unlike what the popular media suggests, not all cops are cruel and out there to gain sadistic pleasures.

Yes, their job hardens them a bit, but they too are humans.

Sometimes their job experiences train them to be more empathetic towards the general public, just like they need to behave harshly with criminals.

Police officers practice empathy to connect with people and use their experiences to better judge a person or a situation.

A good thing about dating a cop is they are empathetic and compassionate, unlike the façade they have to create due to their job.

They know how to take care of you when you are emotionally unstable, as they have a lot of practice in stabilizing unstable people or situations.

It won’t be hard for them to see things from your perspective and understand what you are going through.

They are literally trained to calm people down and de-escalate situations. A cop will always selflessly put your needs above theirs.

Police Officers Do Have Empathy

14. Better Sense Of Judgment

Dating a cop allows you to surround yourself with good people. Your date can secretly help you find out who wishes good for you and who is a bad influence.

You can trust their judgment as this is what their work is.

They can quickly figure out who is a threat to your well-being or if someone is betraying you and help you steer clear of them.

They won’t even hesitate to make you work upon your bad habits to help you become a better human being.

15. Plenty Of Me Time

Most of the time, cops are away on duty, which would give you enough time for yourself. They won’t constantly be poking into your life.

If you are someone who enjoys their own company, then cops are the perfect companion for you as you’ll be least bothered by them.

It gives you an opportunity to pursue your interests freely and explore your life a bit more than with people from other non-comparable professions.

16. Spontaneous Plans

While dating a cop, you will be introduced to the fun of being spontaneous as they do not have a fixed working schedule despite what it looks like on paper.

You may not be able to plan things in advance, but you will experience those spontaneous plans that give a different kick.

Things will not be plain and boring, but you might get a chance to have several adventures with them.

You will learn to live and enjoy the moment you are in, as the uncertainty of the future will dawn upon you soon.

17. You Enjoy Extra Perks

Going out with a cop who is well reputed and respected in society has its own perks.

Being a public servant and a hero to many, cops get special discounts at public places, and some places even provide things for free out of respect.

People are generally more respectful and polite while talking to a cop and their partner as they do not want any trouble.

And let’s not forget all the attention you get from people when you date someone in a uniform.

If you end up marrying a police officer, the perks become official as the government benefits would also become a part of your daily life.

CONs Of Dating A Cop

Not everything is hunky-dory in the life of a cop, and so a few things will affect you as well if you date them.

1. Annoying Shift Schedule

Being a cop and protecting civilians is a full-time job.

They have rotating shifts with no fixed offs and might not always be around to celebrate birthdays, special occasions, and holidays together.

It will be hard for you to match their schedule and plan a date a few days in advance because there might be last-minute changes.

You guys won’t be able to spend much quality time together.

Making things work between the two of you would be difficult, considering how much time you’ll have on your hands to see each other.

2. Their Work Is Exhausting

Cops are constantly tired due to their long work hours, unpredictable shifts, and lack of sleep.

They are working extra hours and return home exhausted most of the time.

On duty, they may not be able to take your calls or respond to your text messages frequently.

Even after reaching home, they will go directly to the bedroom and doze off almost instantaneously because of their hectic day at work.

It is possible that not seeing them for a week or two will become a regular thing for you, knowing their constantly busy schedule.

Even if they pull off meeting you after a long shift, their mind and body may not allow them to be utterly attentive to you, and you may feel ignored and undervalued.

Their Work Is Exhausting

3. Unavoidable Call Of Duty

When you are dating a cop, your date can leave you in the middle if they happen to get a call of duty.

Be it your birthday, romantic dinner, or sharing an intimate situation, they must leave it at once and report for duty no matter what they are doing.

At first, it feels impressive and understandable as the ‘call of duty’ sounds cool, but it becomes frustrating and dissatisfying with time.

Imagine a perfect moment where you feel happy in the arms of your date, and they get an emergency call, and you are left alone.

This scenario will be quite common. How long will you be able to let them leave you in the middle of things that mean a lot to you?

4. You Can’t Trust them With A Job

You can not trust a cop to finish a job you give them.

They tend to forget tasks of seemingly trivial value under the pressure of completing high-value tasks at work.

Cops already have so much on their plates that expecting them to finish some of the chores might be a bit unfair.

They are capable enough to solve the most complex cases and yet may forget to perform a simple task that you assign to them.

They behave this way, possibly due to lack of time or having difficulty focusing on things other than work, which can be pretty disappointing for you.

5. Always At Risk

Being a cop is a risky job and dating a cop is also risky as the thought of losing them at any moment is constantly there in your mind.

You will become anxious if you don’t hear from them for a few hours. You will always worry about their safety.

At times, you won’t be able to focus on yourself and your work because you can’t take your mind off of them.

You’ll feel helpless because you can’t even stop them from engaging themselves in high-risk scenarios. After all, it’s their duty.

Some people aren’t able to completely commit to cops because the fear of ending up alone doesn’t allow them.

6. Have A Difficult Time Trusting People

Dating a cop can be a challenge because they have trust issues. They do have a tendency to see random people suspiciously.

They have seen so much evil that they might have a hard time finding good in others. They believe in facts, proof and evidence.

You can not make them trust you solely through your words. If you say to a cop that they are special to you, you must prove it to them through your actions.

Else, they will always be suspicious of your feelings for them.

7. Dominating Behavior

Most cops are highly dominating in nature. They like having authority and might behave the same with you.

Most of the time, they won’t ask for your say or opinion while decision-making and go ahead with what they think is right.

You’d often find a cop behaving in a very controlling manner because they intend to keep you safe but won’t see how negatively it’s affecting your life.

They have seen so much that they may behave in a very protective and possessive manner to the point where you’d feel as if they think you’re naïve and stupid.

Cops take pride in asserting control.

8. Aggressive Demeanor

Cops are trained to be passive-aggressive all the time, and they find difficulty in toning it down when around their partners.

They are always at emergency level awareness, and their guards are always up. Cops do not unplug from their job, even at home.

They may talk to you in an interrogating tone of voice, but this is who they are.

There is no switch in to turn the cop off in their personality, and you will have to accept this side of them as it is.

Aggressive Demeanor

9. Suppress Their Emotions

Dating a police officer is emotionally frustrating and challenging. Cops are taught to suppress and control their emotions.

They can’t afford to be vulnerable in a state of distress but fight their emotions and harden their hearts to do their job efficiently.

You will often find that they are distant and ice-cold when expressing their feelings.

Due to this, you might feel a certain disconnect even if your partner genuinely loves you and cares about you.

10. Clash Of Moral Values

A cop lives by the law, and dating one means you will also have to do the same.

If you are someone who is chilled out about breaking a few laws or bending the rules every now and then, a cop won’t be your partner in crime.

You will have to avoid doing anything and everything that will conflict with their moral code of conduct.

On the other hand, not all cops are honest to death.

If you find them misusing their position and power, your moral values might not allow you to ignore the blatant corruption and date such a police officer.

11. Financial Instability

This is a sad truth that even after working day and night by putting their lives at risk, police officers are not paid much.

And when you are dating an honest and sincere cop who won’t accept bribes to end monetary issues, be prepared to face financial hardships.

If you plan a future together, keep in mind that life won’t be easy and forget about luxury.

12. Be Ready For Backlashes

Cops are respected worldwide, but there will always be some haters. They would blame the entire department for the evil actions of a select few.

When dating a cop, you may have to take criticism from people, even from your friends and family, who might not be happy with how the law works.

Some would automatically assume that you and your partner must be swimming in black money extorted out of poor victims.

Dealing with such people daily can take a toll on your mental health. Even you might begin not appreciating their work and losing faith in your partner.

13. Cops Adapt Weird Habits

Dating a cop can make you a little uncomfortable because of their quirky ways.

They always carry a weapon with them, which can be scary for you or for the people around you.

They won’t let you take the seat facing the entrance, or they will always look around and be suspicious of everyone, making you feel awkward as a partner.

Cops have crazy driving skills due to all the chasing they do that can horrify you. These habits can be irritating and hard to live with after a while.

14. Can Keep An Eye On You Too!

It is possible that when you are dating a cop, they will keep an eye on your actions as well.

Their intentions could be to keep you safe or because of their trust issues.

Keeping your personal space intact can become challenging while dating a cop.

They can easily access your location history or your mobile phone if they wish to. You can’t hide anything from them.

Can Keep An Eye On You Too

15. Never Speak The Whole Truth

Cops believe in not showing all their cards at once. They’ll reveal only what you really need to know. There is always something mysterious about them.

They may share their work stories with you but won’t dig into all the details.

You will always know the half-truth as they twist the reality due to various reasons like keeping identities safe and security issues.

If you are the nosy kind and keep poking your partner, then being with a cop is not for you.

Sometimes you will just have to let them be without asking any questions at all.

16. Prone To Drinking Problems

Cops are prone to developing severe drinking habits because of the kind of work they are involved in.

They see the harsh realities of the world and face difficulties processing them.

By indulging in some heavy drinking, they try to make it all go away and let their mind be at peace, even if for a short while.

It won’t be easy for you to deal with it if the cop you are dating develops such drinking habits in the future.

17. Possible Mental Instability

Cops deal with many terrifying cases in their careers that can be tormenting mentally, physically, and emotionally.

According to a journal article titled Police officer as victim:

Police officers are at risk of becoming the victims of physical and psychological violence resulting in serious trauma. Posttraumatic reactions to shootings and other life- and ego-threatening events are influenced by situational factors such as authority role, peer-group pressures, and macho values. Police officers often use the defense of denial and consciously or unconsciously reject any feelings of fear or anxiety. Responses to a stressful situation may be affected by organizational expectations and personality defenses.

Reiser, M., & Geiger, S. P. (1984). Police officer as victim. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 15(3), 315–323.

Some cops fail to keep these experiences limited to work and carry burdens and regrets with them for the rest of their lives.

They can have panic attacks and become mentally unstable. Dating a cop who develops Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) will make your life difficult.

You will experience a shift in their character as disturbing thoughts and feelings consume them.

18. You Are Also At Risk

Dating a cop means extra safety and security, but it also means welcoming their enemies into your life.

Every time your partner is the reason for someone being put behind bars, they risk making a new enemy.

You are not only dating a cop but also dating the dangers that come with being in the police force. Your life won’t be low risk like earlier.

You will always have to be cautious and watch out for life threats. If you have children, they have a fair amount of risk too.

Not many would be comfortable giving up their freedom and living under the fear of being attacked, so dating a cop is not for everyone.

Who Do Cops Usually Marry?

Cops usually marry a public servant. They are drawn towards fellow officers, doctors, nurses, firefighters, teachers, or those working in the defence forces. Police officers want someone whose profession demands them to be ethical and someone who can understand the challenges of being a cop.

Marrying a person from one of these backgrounds make a cop’s life easier because of:

1. Professional Similarity And Compatibility

A cop would want to marry someone who would understand and respect their work.

They need someone who won’t act childish and stubborn when they will be asked to report for duty at odd hours.

People engaged in the public services are mature enough to understand the crazy shift changes and working overtime.

Since these jobs require knowing the nuances and challenges of public dealings, they would better understand a cop’s life.

2. Self Dependence

Cops are away from home most of the time.

They would want to marry a person who can work independently and handle critical situations on their own without panicking.

Marrying a bold and confident person from one of these fields assures them that their spouse will take care of the household duties when they are not around.

They can rely on them for better judgment and decision-making for the family.

Self Dependence

3. A Mature Outlook

People working in the public services are mature enough to understand the stressful work of a government employee.

The last thing a cop wants after a hectic day at work is to come home to their spouse’s nagging and complaints.

With the shared experience of harsh realities, both can be supportive and encourage each other when either one feels overwhelmed due to the nature of their work.

4. Financial Security And Other Perks

Marrying a government employee with a steady income and a secure job would be the best thing for a cop.

Working in the public sector rather than private gives financial stability.

Cops are often underpaid, and they won’t marry someone who will depend on their income.

The government would provide great retirement plans for both, which means double benefits for the couple and the children.


Dating a cop can be the best thing that can happen to you if you can work your way around the challenges.

Let’s not forget the joy and immense pride you will feel by just standing beside them.

But that comes with many responsibilities and compromises that you’ll have to make.

If you can not handle the fact that your partner would be risking their life every day, then dating a cop is not meant for you.

Shashank Verma

A trained theatre actor and a STEM graduate who brings perspectives and methods from these worlds into dating and relationships. Also a big time Krav Maga enthusiast and practitioner.

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