How Slow Is Too Slow In A Relationship? | Signs & What To Do

While a slow relationship might seem frustrating today, remember that moving too fast can burn out a relationship quickly.

How slow is too slow in a relationship cannot be calculated using a rigid timeline. The desired speed is different to every couple. There isn’t a law that specific activities, like the commitment conversation, kissing, or sleeping together, should happen by a week, a month, or even more.

Some can wait forever for some things to happen while for others, even a single month is unbearable. However, make sure that you and your partner want the same things from this relationship.

Pro-tip: If your relationship feels too slow, obvious cracks need to be filled. Rather than being a passive observer, pro-active action can help you take control.

Steer your relationship in the direction you want. Check out my eBook The No-Nonsense Guide To Dating and Sexcess now!

Before We Begin

Fret not as we discuss the signs that your relationship is moving too slow, what you can do about it and other relevant information.

In the beginning, you are so excited that you don’t care about where the relationship is going. Is it going too fast or too slow?

As time passes, there comes the point where you start thinking about it.

You wait for months and months, and still, there is no clear conversation on the topic from your partner’s side.

If it bothers you a lot and you can’t wait any longer for something specific to happen, then straight out talk to your partner about it.

TABLE: Usual Timeline For Most Couples

Relationship MilestoneTime Since First Date
Meeting each other’s friends3-4 months
Meeting any family member4-5 months
Stopped shaving down there5-6 months
Farting openly5-6 months
Sharing different passwords6-8 months
Moving in together18-20 months
Joint bank account20-23 months
Getting a pet23-24 months
Getting a car24-26 months
Getting a house27-28 months
Marriage28-30 months
Having a baby30-36 months
Source: A survey conducted by consisting of 89 couples who have been together for at least 12 months.

Just like other areas, timings matters a lot in a relationship.

However, taking things too slow can harm the bond of your relationship.

It will be better to figure out the right pace for you two, and that is only possible if both of you have a good understanding of each other’s needs.

Signs Your Relationship Is Moving Too Slow

While you are confused between whether whatever’s happening is normal or are you two moving too slow, to understand the situation in a better way, here are some signs you can look for.

1. They Never Initiate Anything

Be it a simple text conversation or making plans to meet on the weekend, if you find yourself initiating every little thing all the time, then that’s not a good sign.

It’s okay to text or call first when your partner is equally excited about talking to you, and if you feel they are interested.

It’s essential to be equally invested in a relationship to make it grow. A one-sided attraction will not last long.

If you feel that the efforts they put into this relationship are quite less as compared to what you do, then perhaps you should consider talking about it with your partner. 

They Never Initiate Anything

2. It’s Always About Your Partner

It’s good to take care of your partner’s needs, but you should stop if you feel you are taken for granted.

See if it’s always about them and how they want things to be in their particular way.

They put themselves first in the relationship and may even be taking advantage of you in some way.

Maybe it’s unintentional, and this is how they are but ask yourself how long you can be in a relationship where you are not appreciated and cared.

You should not be in a relationship where you are always frustrated about your partner’s lack of enthusiasm towards the relationship.

A relationship doesn’t mean that your partner should become the center of your existence. What it should be like? Read our full article on what a relationship is supposed to do for you.

3. You Don’t Meet Too Often

Is it like you are the one always to ask them out and make plans to meet? Does your partner complain a lot about wanting space?

If you two are in a relationship and still your partner is reluctant to meet, then you should really be worried.

This could mean that your partner is not quite interested in you.

If once in a blue moon your partner does ask first then is it because of your nagging? Some hidden ulterior motives?

Or do they actually want to meet? It’s about priorities.

If they always behave in a way that shows you are not important enough for them to leave whatever is keeping them busy, then maybe it is time to step back and think.

In this article I’ve listed all the possible scenarios when you should quit your current relationship and move forward in life!

4. Your Partner Doesn’t Share Much

When you are in a relationship for a long time, then you expect your partner to open up about their feelings and share things with you.

If it hasn’t been long, then it’s okay to hold back so that you don’t scare the other person away.

But after spending a reasonable amount of time together, the same behavior becomes alarming.

If your partner doesn’t share much, then possibly he or she doesn’t feel close to you. They don’t think of you as someone who would understand them.

Maybe they don’t trust you with their feelings and secrets.

5. Vague Relationship Status

If it’s been a long time and you and your partner still differ on your relationship status, then that’s a huge red flag right there.

Whenever you try to have that conversation about the same, do they avoid it or flip to a different topic?

Your partner not being expressive about their feelings can confuse you at times.

You can’t say much to your family and friends when they talk about your relationship because you don’t know for yourself.

So, it’s essential to define exactly what your relationship status is and where is it going.

Are you just sticking around with each other just for the sake of it so that none of you is single?

Is it just a friends with benefit situation? Or it is that they want to be with you for a short amount of time and then see if they want to move forward?

Whatever it is, both of you should know what’s going on.

6. Your Partner Is Not Exclusive To You

Being exclusive is something that you both decide after you realize you don’t want anyone else in your life other than your partner.

But if your partner is still connected to some potential dates and is available on dating sites, then that’s a massive problem for you.

If you guys haven’t decided to be exclusive yet, then it means your partner is not sure about a future together and haven’t made up their mind yet.

If you both are exclusive and your partner is still actively flirting with other people, then that could be counted as unacceptable behavior if you aren’t comfortable with it.

A player might be okay with being with multiple people and it’s okay, let’s not judge them. But the key is that their partner should be okay with it too!

I have an cool article for you which details what are players like, especially in relationships. Check it out!

Your Partner Is Not Exclusive To You

7. There Is No Visible Progress

It’s okay for a person to take their own sweet time to get committed to someone.

But if the other person is wondering every other day as to when it will happen, then tagging along for a long time becomes difficult.

We can’t say how long is too long but probably the point where you think your partner should have done it by now.

You can’t keep waiting forever for something that you are not even sure will happen.

Also, waiting makes sense when there is visible progress in the relationship but if there isn’t any then ask yourself how long you can wait?

In situations like these where things feel dead slow, don’t you feel like moving the needle? Click the button below to find some awesome resources on that can make things happen.

8. You Haven’t Been To Your Partner’s Place

It is an awful scenario that you and your partner are in a relationship for months, and still they haven’t invited you over to their place.

What could be the possible reasons here?

Either your partner lives with their family who has conservative values (some cultures do), and if not, then is there something about their lifestyle that they don’t want you to see?

Possibly they might be hiding something from you.

Otherwise inviting someone to your home is a step that helps your bond grow as you get to become a part of their personal space.

9. Your Partner Avoids Involving Friends And Family

After being together for a while when your partner is comfortable, they should introduce you to their friends (or family if possible).

If your partner doesn’t do so or doesn’t want to meet your loved ones, then that’s not a good sign for your relationship.

If your partner is always avoiding meeting anyone important to you, let alone your family, then that’s a matter of concern.

Most probably your partner is not looking for a future together.

However, we think that involving family should be avoided until you realize that you both are serious about each other and would want to spend your life together.

Even if you don’t end up doing so, at least the thought of doing so is good enough.

So, don’t reveal the existence of your guy or girl to your family unless you have spent a significant amount of time with them.

The definition of significant time varies. For some, it can be a year while for some it may be more than that.

Anything more than 2 years should have a solid reason behind it.

Your Partner Avoids Involving Friends And Family

10. You Do Not Plan A Future Together

If your partner is serious about this relationship, then definitely they will include you in their plans related to the future at some point in time.

They will make plans with you and involve you in their future aspirations.

If you notice that your partner, while talking about the future, never uses the word ‘we’ and is always making solo plans, then definitely that’s a sign.

Being practical and mature is one thing. It means that your guy or girl realizes that nothing is permanent and the same holds for this relationship.

But just thinking about themselves and being extremely pessimistic is something else.

Your partner not even acknowledging you as a part of their future and instead, being sure that things will end between you two is a scary place to be in.

Steer your relationship in the direction you want. Check out my eBook The No-Nonsense Guide To Dating and Sexcess now!

Why Is Your Partner Taking Things So Slow?

Your partner is taking things slow because they are not in a comfortable place with you. It could be due to bad past experiences or not feeling sure about what they want. Your best bet is to hold still if you want something long-term. Trying to rush things through will be a costly mistake.

In the initial phase of a relationship, it is good to take things slow as it’s a new experience for both the partners and moving slow can help in knowing each other better.

It extends the honeymoon period (butterflies in the stomach feeling) of the relationship and delays the burnout phase.

Reasons for taking things slow differ from person to person.

However, we will state some of the most common reasons for anyone to take things slow initially.

1. To Build Friendship First

For some people, building a relationship on a firm ground of friendship works better if they are looking for a long term relationship.

Being friends with someone is the best way to know them inside out and helps reduce the awkwardness as initially, we don’t know what the other person may like or not.

Focusing on building a strong friendship prevents you from overstepping boundaries and hurting other people’s emotions.

It doesn’t mean they will friend zone you forever, but perhaps they want to feel a bit closer to you before diving head-on.

This is one of the wisest moves in the early stages of dating. We have another article with a more comprehensive view on what not do to in the early stages of dating.

2. Need Time To Figure Out Feelings

In the early stage of a relationship, everything feels special.

People are so excited and involved in pursuing this new person that they don’t take time off to think if it’s love or just infatuation.

By moving too fast, they may end up making decisions for which they were not ready.

What if, after a month or two, they realize that it was nothing special, they were just too excited to think things through.

So, it’s common for people who have had unpleasant experiences in the past to recognize their feelings for others and go slow at first.

Need Time To Figure Out Feelings

3. Not To Repeat The Same Mistakes

People who have already experienced the consequences of moving fast are more prone to take things slow.

They are more cautious about their next relationship to avoid repeating their past mistakes. But it can be tough for the other person involved to understand.

Your partner’s state of mind, due to their previous experiences, doesn’t allow them to miss any red flags.

Moving too fast means being ignorant of other people’s mistakes, and it could cost a lot in the long run.

So, it’s nice to stay alert from the beginning and call out the other person if they do something you don’t like, as it will prevent both from misunderstandings later on.

Maybe your partner is afraid of letting their guards down, so be patient and try to gain their trust.

People who have had some terrible experiences in their past relationships are much more likely to show such behavior.

4. To Check Compatibility

For some people, compatibility is crucial, which is a good thing.

They want to co-exist with someone who understands them better and shares a similar ideology. Being compatible helps the relationship to flourish.

When two people enjoy doing the same activities and have similar tastes, then it makes it easy for them to bond.

They tend to like each other’s company automatically. Also, spending time together becomes more exciting and fruitful.

So, by taking things slow, they may be exploring what you two like doing together and how much you both are compatible while looking at a future together.

5. Prevention From Getting Hurt

When we rush into something, we somehow end up hurting someone in the process. Maybe your partner also thinks similarly.

Getting intimate too early and not being able to build a bond afterward can get them in trouble.

Your partner may end up hurting your feelings or their own feelings in case you fail to love each other back.

Maybe to avoid making grave mistakes and to prevent both of you from being hurt, they think it’s better to maintain distance at first.

It’s better to move slowly before jumping into bed or making any commitments.

Prevention From Getting Hurt

Steer your relationship in the direction you want. Check out my eBook The No-Nonsense Guide To Dating and Sexcess now!

How Do You Act If Someone Wants To Take It Slow?

If someone wants to take it slow, do not act irrationally. Understand the reasons behind their apprehensions and overcome the obstacles through supportive and encouraging behavior. Forcing the person into submission will backfire sooner or later.

There is nothing to worry about if your partner wants to take things slow.

Taking things slowly helps in improving the quality of the relationship and may even turn into something serious and special.

 1. Get Yourself On The Same Page

First of all, you should feel in a similar way about this idea of your partner.

If you think that it will benefit you as well and you are ready for it, then say yes.

Don’t just pretend to be on board when you have a completely different mindset about how to move forward in this relationship.

So, tell the other person clearly what you want. Whether you are in it for long or you are looking for something casual?

You won’t be able to sustain for long if you feel differently than what your partner feels, and all this will prove to be a total time waste for you.

2. Be Your True Self   

You should focus on being your true self. You should let your partner see who you truly are and decide how they can trust you with their feelings.

Let them protect themselves from being hurt again. Don’t try to change yourself because how long can you pretend to be some other person?

Moreover, your partner is taking time so that they can fall in love with you and not with someone that you may be portraying to make things work fast.

You behaving differently than who you are will make the whole ‘taking things slow’ pointless. So, be who you are and let your partner fall for you.

3. Act Mature And Be Patient

While your partner takes their own sweet time to figure things out, you should be patient enough to wait till then.

Asking the same questions every day won’t help, and because of the nagging, there might be constant arguments that would become hard to resolve.

It will drive them away as they will be seeing you behaving in a very clingy and foolish manner. Just be calm and try to live in the moment.

Enjoy every little thing you share with them. Don’t panic that they don’t love you or something.

Just see it as that they are wise enough to consider things thoroughly before taking any decision that will have long term consequences.

Act Mature And Be Patient

4. Look For Progress

Look for progress once in a while in the other person. Make comparisons on how things were in the beginning and how they have changed now.

Try to find if your partner is opening up and is becoming more affectionate towards you. If you see positive changes, then congratulations.

You both are making progress, and taking things slow is working for you.

If it’s been a long time and there is no visible progress, then try finding out the reasons for the same. Try connecting with your partner on a deeper level.

5. Do Your Own Evaluations

Doing so will give time to you as well to see whether you both are compatible or not. You can measure your feelings for the other person.

Try discovering what you like about the person or what you don’t. How do you feel when you are with them?

Is this how you always wanted that ‘someone special’ to be? How do you both resolve small fights? Does your partner understand you enough?

Ask yourself all these questions as you wait for them to make progress with you finally.

This will help you decide whether you should let this relationship turn into something serious, or should you let it go for good.

Steer your relationship in the direction you want. Check out my eBook The No-Nonsense Guide To Dating and Sexcess now!

How To Take Things Slow With A Person You Really Like?

To take things slow with a person you really like, be available in moderation. When available 24×7, you portray yourself as a low-value individual with nothing better to do. Always being unavailable says that there is a lack of interest from your side.

In today’s fast-moving world, it’s good if you are thinking of taking things slow with your partner initially.

It will allow the relationship to have some breathing space.

1. Do Not Meet Regularly

Meeting your new love interest every day may fast forward the most exciting phase and burn out the honeymoon phase pretty quickly.

Remember how your grandmother told you anything in excess is bad?

To slow it down, you both need to pace out your schedule of meeting each other or even the calls and texts.

Do not hog each other’s personal space even you cannot control yourself.

Little things like deciding a particular day as to when you’ll see each other or limiting calls to 30 minutes a day helps in the long run.

This way, you both will look forward to the next meeting and can keep the excitement going for a long time.

Being too available initially can create a problem for the future, where you may find it interfering with your schedule, daily tasks and will start feeling less and less exciting.

Also, seeing each other, say maybe once or twice a week at max for a couple of hours will prevent your relationship from monotony.

You will have a lot to catch up on when you guys finally meet.

Do Not Meet Regularly

2. Have Some Self Control 

We know you are head over heels for this new love interest of yours but hold on to your desires.

It would be hard to control your impulse when you know the other person is just a call or text away.

But we want you to converse with the other person in a controlled manner.

Don’t shower them with calls and messages on a daily basis as it can scare them away, or they might start feeling trapped with no breathing space.

Maybe you will end up interfering too much in their life where they want space.

3. Restrain From Sharing Too Much Too Soon

Understandably, you would want the person you like to know everything about you. But sharing too much early on can become problematic in the future.

You have no control over how the other person would turn out to be in the future.

What if they are of a different mindset than you and may even misuse the information you give to them or may misunderstand you as a person.

So, get to know each other first. Take small steps at a time. See if your ideologies match and then accordingly share what you need to.

You should avoid handing off your privacy to someone on a silver platter whom you don’t even know yet.

4. Live In The Moment

When we step into something new, we are so eager about wanting answers to all our questions.

We start worrying so much about the future that we forget to live in the present. Yes, it is essential to define your relationship, but do not rush into it.

Labeling your relationship too early may make you regret your decision in the future if you are not ready for something serious.

So, stop wondering things like ‘where is this going’ or ‘where do we stand.’ Go with the flow, and everything will fall into the right place at the right time.

Live In The Moment

5. Avoid Being Intimate Early On

If you are taking things slow, then take your own sweet time before you get into bed with the one you like.

Being intimate is much more enjoyable when the other person makes you feel comfortable, and you trust the other person with your privacy.

It takes time to build trust and understanding in a new relationship, so give each other that time.

Try to spend some quality time together rather than diving right into the bed.

Steer your relationship in the direction you want. Check out my eBook The No-Nonsense Guide To Dating and Sexcess now!


You should be okay with your partner taking things slow unless it’s dead slow, feels frustrating, and ruining your mental peace.

If you are feeling that things are going too slow in your relationship and your partner is not making any positive move, then you step up and initiate.

Maybe your partner doesn’t know how to take things further. If you initiate, whatever the result positive or negative, at least you’ll get all the answers.

Now tell us, why do you feel your relationship is going slow? Comment below!

Shashank Verma

A trained theatre actor and a STEM graduate who brings perspectives and methods from these worlds into dating and relationships. Also a big time Krav Maga enthusiast and practitioner.

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