Dealing with false accusations in a relationship can be highly infuriating and heartbreaking when you are innocent. It is frustrating when you always have to explain yourself to your partner. The fear of letting them down and keeping a constant check on your actions eats you from within.
Deal with false accusations in a relationship by having good control over your emotions and exercising restraint in heated arguments. Empathy can be a game-changer to understand where your partner is coming from. Resolve the issue without offensive counter-backs meant to disrespect your partner.
Let’s learn how not to let the false accusations hit you emotionally or affect your health. A false accusation has more to do with the other person than it has to do with you.
Dealing With False Accusations In A Relationship
Here is a detailed view of what you can do and what should be avoided. This is not a step-by-step guide.
You are free to choose one or more ideas from the list below based on your comfort level and personality type.
1. Listen To Every Word Your Partner Has To Say
It’s a fact that whatever your partner is saying is false.
Since there is not an iota of truth in it, you may feel like interrupting and stopping them from speaking as it feels hurtful. But let them speak their heart out.
You need to know everything that has been cooking inside their mind and to what extent they can go when they are furious.
Also, you won’t be able to explain yourself any better and make them understand the truth if you can’t fully understand them in the first place and hear only half of what they say.
You will miss out on some of the things, and your partner will bring it out on a different day, thus prolonging the feud.
Listen to your partner carefully without letting your emotions come in between.
2. Have Better Control Over Your Emotions
Being wrongfully accused of something can be frustrating and painful to deal with. The feeling of anger overpowers our sense of better judgment.
It won’t be easy to keep your calm at this moment, but if you won’t, then there won’t be any difference between you and your partner yelling at you for no reason.
You may feel like lashing out at them and making them regret this day, but no, you must have better control over your emotions.
Neither let yourself get hurt, not hurt the other person no matter how bad and unfair the situation feels to you. Don’t get violent.
3. Get All The Information First
You can not respond to these false accusations without knowing where they stem from.
You need to know why your partner believes in something that is so not true. What made them think this way about you?
Is it because someone else is putting things in their head, or it’s because of some miscommunication between the two of you.
Ask your partner questions related to the accusations.
Gather all the information you need to prepare for clearing the air between you two without ruining your relationship.
4. Don’t Accept The Accusation
When you are constantly being accused of something by your partner that you did not do, always giving justifications feels consuming.
Their tone of voice, the hatred in their eyes, and those pointing fingers can be a lot to take for an innocent person.
You may feel like accepting it and getting over with it once and for all but do not even think of doing that.
Whether or not you’ll stay with this person is a separate matter. But accepting something you didn’t do is outright wrong and goes down in your record.
Your partner might be behaving irrationally now, but they may one-up their actions by letting others know that you ‘accepted your fault’.
This only means more mouths talking about you or seeking some justification. Your partner has trust issues, and you both have to work upon that.
From a Biblical point of view, according to an article on Jesus’ Methods of Dealing with Accusations:
It was found that Jesus primarily responded to false accusation in six ways: by asking questions; by sharing parables, analogies, or maxims; by giving strong words of condemnation or affirmation; by referring to the scriptures; by withdrawing from the accusers; and by keeping silent. All these ways of communicating with people when accused falsely, follows a progression of behaviour from active engagement to a passive one.Nola Tudu, 2013, Jesus’ Methods of Dealing with Accusations, Vol. 8 No. 1, ISSN: 0905 – 6931, Asia-Pacific International University.
Accepting something that you did not do will only fuel their insecurities further. Stand your ground no matter how exhausting these clarifications may feel.
5. Take A Break From The Situation
The best way to think better and act better is to detach yourself from the situation without reacting to it.
Take some time off to think and understand everything your partner has accused you of. Spend a few days apart if needed.
Reflect on your actions to see if anything you did gave them the wrong impression.
It will give you time and space to prepare yourself for responding to false accusations without losing your calm and make your partner see the clear picture.
This will also allow some dust to settle down before both of you see clearly where do you stand.
You both will see things a bit better when the feelings of anger and betrayal diminish.
6. Resolving The Accusation Right Away
If waiting for things to settle down is not your style, and you are more about proactively solving a situation, process the accusations with your partner.
Respond after you control your emotions to not cloud your judgment by how you feel. Make sure to breathe consciously and let everything sink in.
Go over all the possible reasons why your partner does not trust you.
Spend 5-6 hours in the same room if needed, and do not walk away unless you have a solution in hand.
However, note that this strategy does not work for most people because only time can heal a few things or make people a bit more calm than they currently are.
7. Two People Mad At Each Other Doesn’t Solve Anything
When you are wrongly accused, you fail to see the person accusing you and the mindset behind the accusation.
Your partner is in pain because of their own insecurities related to you and the misunderstanding itself. Understanding this key factor is vital.
Right now, you are so angry that you don’t see their emotions. You aren’t trying to understand that the accusation has not come up out of the blue.
The ground has been fertile for quite a while now. Your partner has fought through the negative feelings alone, but they can’t keep it inside anymore.
Thinking this way will enable you to go back in history and start removing the bad apples one by one.
These could be incidences, days, misunderstood actions, etc. You must help your partner see the truth instead of just getting mad and leaving.
8. Showing Compassion Eases The Tension A Bit
It can be the most challenging thing to do in such a situation, but showing compassion towards your partner can keep things from spiraling out of control.
It can help tone things down and bring them to a more relaxed and vulnerable state.
You can get them to calmly hear your side of the story with a bit of empathy.
Tell them you can feel what they are going through, but the reality is far from what they believe. Say that you know how easily the circumstances can blind one.
Still, you’re there to help them see the truth because you care about them and the relationship more than this minor hiccup.
Empathizing with your partner and showing compassion can help build a better bond after the clouds of mistrust fly away.
9. Lay Out The Facts As They Are
After evaluating everything and keeping your sanity intact, it’s time to talk about the real thing now. Be very open and transparent in your approach.
Do not hide any information or lie about the facts.
If you have proof related to the accusations, it would help back up your truth and make things a lot easier to believe for your partner.
Give an account of your actions and make your partner realize their mistakes.
Trying to negate the claims without solid proof might temporarily pacify things, but it will not solve the major issue, i.e., crushing the seed of doubt.
10. Being Polite Is A Necessity
Choose your words wisely and be very polite when reassuring your partner that you did not do anything wrong.
You don’t want to add fuel to the fire by being rude and disrespectful while clearing things out.
Keep your tone of voice down and refrain from using sarcastic comments. One should also avoid rhetorical answers.
Do not look aggressive or upset but show concern.
Make your partner feel that they are an essential part of your life, and you want to resolve the issue as soon as possible.
You don’t want to show your hatred. Instead, make them see that a few things simply blind them at the moment, and those can always be cleared.
11. Be Ready To Play The Long Game
Making your partner see the truth when their own thoughts and opinions deeply blind them can be very difficult.
You will have to be a lot more patient with them as the issue at hand can take some time to resolve.
Help them understand where they have been wrong and what lead to all this confusion taking over their otherwise better sense of judgment.
Do not quit until they know the reality and delete the wrong image they have of you from their system.
Moving forward without doing this is equivalent to playing with a ticking time bomb. It will explode sooner or later.
Also, it might not be possible for your partner to trust you instantly, but at least they will know they were wrong to accuse you of something you did not do.
12. Know The Difference Between An Argument And A Discussion
Refrain from turning your discussions into arguments. Don’t get defensive or jump the gun.
Focus more on using ‘I ‘, ‘us’, ‘we’, and ‘our’ over ‘you’ and ‘your’.
The goal is not to make your partner feel attacked because they are doing the same thing by accusing you falsely.
By returning the favor, it might make you feel good for a while but achieves nothing in the long run.
People often forget the basic ethics of talking during such moments.
They have no idea how smooth the ride can be if they just stick to the basic etiquette of having a conversation with someone.
Let your partner finish, and do not interrupt them while they are talking. If they do the same, don’t try to overpower their voice with louder volume.
Simply pause and continue with your thought once they are done. Avoid jumping into a new line of conversation based on their interjection.
State positive things about your relationship in between to keep things positive.
Also, humor and wit are encouraged to keep things light but don’t turn it into a slapstick comedy routine.
Subtle humor is an energy that one can infuse into the situation to avoid feeling too gloomy and severe.
13. Blame Games Help Nobody
An easy way out of a fight is to start blaming the other person and make them feel that they caused all the uproar and are bad.
This is not a solution to your problem, at least. Remember, no one ever wins a blame game. It’s only a series of pointing fingers with no concrete return.
Stop if you find yourself blaming your partner for all the wrongs in your relationship and life.
Your points might be accurate, but that is an altogether separate discussion to gauge whether you should stay in the relationship or not.
But at this moment, solving the false accusation problem is your primary concern. If your partner starts it, do not get into the mud bath.
Remind them if you need to that this discussion is about the accusation. Do not dig into each other’s past or point fingers at previous choices, comments, etc.
The problem at hand is the only thing you should be focusing on.
14. There’s No Going Back From Disrespect
You should not disrespect your partner, no matter how hurt you feel while being falsely accused.
Things are gray now, but you will get out of it fine if you will just trust yourself and keep control over what you say during this time.
But if something disrespectful comes out of your mouth, you won’t be able to take back your words.
Avoid saying things that can cross acceptable boundaries because of which when all this gets over, you won’t be able to face your partner.
Know your limits, and do not let your partner disrespect you either.
If your partner disrespects you in any way, continuing the relationship is what you should rather worry about.
A disrespectful partner will not stop at false accusations.
15. Work On Trust Issues
The problems and trust issues you face right now might be only half of what you may face in the future. It is crucial to go deep into the roots of the issue.
What is making your partner have a tough time understanding you as a person?
Where did the misunderstanding turn so severe that it resulted in false accusations? Is there something you are doing wrong these days?
Or is the fault rooted somewhere deep in the past and causing trouble in your current relationship?
You need to have a serious discussion about it once you have dealt with the false accusation issue at hand.
Sometimes the problems and the way we see things today are deep-rooted psychological issues that result from past traumas.
If possible, seek some professional help in the form of individual or couple’s therapy.
16. Compromise In Case Of Partially True Accusations
This one’s a bit twisted. Sometimes, we do realize that what the other person is saying has some amount of truth in it, howsoever small it might be.
This is different from totally false accusations.
If you agree with some of the things your partner accuses you of, and those things do not mean much in the overall picture of your relationship, be open to making specific changes and compromises.
For example, suppose you find someone attractive but do not plan to cheat on your partner with this person.
Still, you often talk to this person because they’re maybe hot or something. Your partner isn’t wrong in feeling a bit insecure about the situation.
For the sake of this relationship, you might have to cut down a bit which means lesser and lesser contact with this person.
Your partner might ask you to do it, or you might have to do it yourself.
But do set boundaries because today it’s something trivial as unfollowing someone on social media, and tomorrow it might be something outright unfair as not talking to anybody else who is deemed attractive by your partner.
Stretch your limits only to the point where you are comfortable and ask your partner to do the same.
There should be balance and equality when making compromises in a relationship. Meeting in the middle requires both partners to cover some distance.
17. Do Not Take It All Upon Yourself
Even though you are being falsely accused of something that you did not do, remember it’s not about you, no matter how ugly the accusation sounds.
Your partner is projecting their own insecurities, pain, and mistrust on you.
They might be deliberately making you feel bad at this moment, and you may feel like you are at fault, but in reality, it might be them who have trust issues.
Know that you have been a good partner in the relationship and did not do anything wrong intentionally.
It’s your partner who thinks otherwise and has trust issues. They are the ones who should work upon themselves and reflect on their actions.
18. Now Is The Time To Rethink Your Relationship
If you are constantly falsely accused by your partner, it’s a sign that things are not going well for your relationship.
Your partner does not trust you enough to believe your words. Today’s false accusation is simply a sign of several doubts accumulated in the past.
It will only get worse when you have to give an account for every little thing you do.
Being over-possessive and controlling might feel cute and romantic early on but it only leads to fights and is a sign of toxicity seeping in.
A relationship can not last long without trust and understanding.
You might want to reconsider staying with a person who has trouble trusting you no matter what you do or rather don’t do.
19. Take A Break From The Relationship
Sometimes distance plays a significant role in making people realize someone’s worth and what they truly meant to them.
If you feel that your partner still can’t understand or trust you even after all your efforts, let go of the relationship for a while.
It’s time to walk out of the relationship temporarily.
You’ll find many answers. Leave your partner to figure things out on their own. Let your partner realize your worth.
Give them time and space to think about how wrong they have been and how they have hurt you.
If the temporary break does not achieve anything, maybe it’s time to call it quits. Read our article on ‘When To Call It Quits In A Relationship?‘ to know more.
20. Take Out Time For Yourself
False accusations can take a toll on one’s mental health and well-being. It hits your self-esteem differently.
You’re bound to feel underconfident and doubt your own actions and behavior. Do not beat yourself up for what your partner projects.
You need to remind yourself who you are and who you are not. Don’t judge yourself based on what your partner falsely accuses you of.
You are a great human being, and you need to remind yourself of that. Connect with your inner self and your emotions.
Know your worth and learn to value yourself. Be kind, compassionate, loving and caring towards yourself just like you’ve been towards your partner.
Being in a relationship where your partner falsely accuses you is frustrating, but in the end, the solution boils down to a few questions.
What do you want for yourself? How much does this person and this relationship mean to you?
Do you want to stick to the person and fight to save your relationship?
Or do you want to quit fighting and walk out of it because you deserve better than what you are currently getting?
Always prioritize your well-being over a toxic relationship, as dealing with repeated false accusations can make one extremely frustrated and depressed.