How To Tell If Your Girlfriend Is Texting Another Guy? | Red Flags

On social media and text messages where anyone is just a click away, it gets tough for a relationship to survive. It can be challenging to identify if your girlfriend is casually chatting with a friend or texting another guy with hidden motives. 

To tell if your girlfriend is texting another guy, check if she’s has been extra busy with her phone recently. Does she try to keep it out of your sight? If she gets nervous or mad when you want to use her phone, something is fishy. You’ll see gradual negative changes in her demeanor.

Every time you pick her phone, you feel something isn’t right about the way she behaves. It might be possible that there isn’t a guy….yet, but she is definitely up to no good either way.

Pro-tip: If she is indeed interested in another guy, it is because she is no longer attracted to you.

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Signs That Your Girlfriend Is Texting Another Guy

If your girlfriend is texting another guy, it doesn’t always mean that she is interested in him.

But if all the signs given below feel familiar, there is a chance that she is interested in this new guy and doesn’t want you to know.

Then again, we don’t want you to draw any conclusions based on these signs because sometimes we fail to understand the other person and end up misjudging them.

It would be best to talk to your girlfriend about the same when it starts to bother you.

1. She Spends More Time With Her Phone

Unless your girlfriend is a sucker for social media and she always has been like this, spending more time on her phone than usual is suspicious.

If she was a person who never cared where her phone was, and suddenly she doesn’t leave her phone alone, then it is a sign that someone or something is keeping her busy.

She might be waiting for his texts, and when they pop up, she doesn’t take long to respond.

If she has always been a phone addict, it could be hard to say anything definite. However, to text, she needs to be somewhere where you aren’t around.

Does she move outside or to some other room whenever she is texting? She will never respond to his text or even look at the notification when you sit beside her.

She Spends More Time With Her Phone

2. She Doesn’t Want You Near Her Phone

If your girlfriend is texting this new guy, obviously she will always keep her phone to herself.

Seeing those chats can lead to a mess which something she wants to avoid.

She will never let you touch her phone, and if you do so without her knowledge, she will get mad and pick up a fight with you.

If you insist a lot and she decides to show her phone, it won’t be immediate, and by then most of the messages would be deleted.

3. She Starts Locking Her Phone

Some couples keep their phones private since the beginning of their relationship while some keep things pretty transparent.

There is nothing wrong about either. However, if your girlfriend has gone from being transparent to being secretive, she might be hiding something from you.

If this sudden need for privacy feels odd and out of the blue, everything is not okay.

Say both of you have a history where you are used to picking up each other’s phone and using it whenever you want.

But now she is not letting you use her phone and keeps it password protected, then it is weird.

4. There Is A Change In Her Body Language

Her excitement will be easily visible to you. She will feel more upbeat and similar to something you experienced when you started dating her.

She will seem like her usual self when with you until this new guy’s text shows up. Also, she will become excited and smile a lot while texting.

However, she will try her best not to show such a shift in her energy when you are present.

Possibly she will turn her phone upside down and will try to divert your attention from her phone.

5. Being Online Late At Night

If you live together, your girlfriend won’t text this guy until you are out for work or sleeping.

And if you guys don’t live together, you will see her online more than usual but not to chat with you.

If she leaves her phone in another room and is always on her phone texting someone after you sleep, it is fishy.

You can follow her online pattern to find out if it’s a regular thing.

Being Online Late At Night

6. Her Personality Is Changing

Whenever we spend time with someone new whom we find interesting and exciting, we unknowingly pick their traits.

We try to become like them or imitate them subconsciously.

Look out for signs like a new chatting style, changed sentence structures, writing style, quoting something new or using vocabulary that isn’t your girlfriend’s usual lingo.

If she is trying to look more attractive nowadays (not for herself or you) and has become extra conscious regarding her diet and health, she is possibly planning a video call or a date with the new guy.

TABLE: Women On Reasons Why They Were Texting Another Guy While Being In A Relationship

Boyfriend stopped paying attention to me67%
The guy was hotter than my boyfriend13%
Doubts about my relationship27%
The new guy was always there for me41%
The need to feel appreciated72%
Source: Based on a survey by consisting of 231 women in a relationship who admitted to texting a guy other than their boyfriend.
Note: Percentage does not equal to 100 due to overlapping reasons.

7. She Starts Lying To You

If you ask her who she is chatting with, then she would straight away lie about it. She will not disclose the identity of this guy or share much about you.

In case you know a little bit about this guy, she gets nervous whenever you mention him and avoids eye contact.

She is always deleting her message history or covering up her lies. This is a major sign that your girlfriend texting another guy isn’t casual.

8. She’ll Stop Showing Interest In You

It might have started a long time ago but chatting with this new guy only adds fuel to the fire.

Being emotionally or physically away from you brought her close to this guy she is chatting with.

If she is attracted to him, then obviously she will start distancing herself from you, and you’ll feel it.

She would show no signs of affection towards you and will pull away if you try to come close to her.

Your physical relationship with your girlfriend will come down to a bare minimum, and she would no longer feel happy about being with you.

9. More And More Fights

At this point, she may have discussed your relationship with this guy and will start seeing only your flaws.

By now, she’ll feel the new guy is a better option compared to you. You’ll find yourself at the end of every blaming finger she’ll point.

She’ll keep saying how there are other guys out there that are better than you, or there is nothing you do that makes her happy anymore.

Now that she is into this new guy, she will indeed find reasons to fight with you for the tiniest reasons.

More And More Fights

What Should You Do If Your Girlfriend Is Texting Another Guy?

If your girlfriend is texting another guy, see if it is something you should really worry about? Most of us tend to get a little protective and insecure about our partner and start taking every minor thing seriously. Look for concrete evidence that cements your doubt about her texting not being platonic.

We don’t want you to obsess over something that is not even worth bothering about. But if all the signs given above tell you something is wrong, here’s what you need to do.

1. Don’t Jump The Gun

If you are suspicious and furious about your girlfriend’s behavior as you have seen her texting another guy, taking immediate action or retaliating is something we do not suggest at all.

It isn’t wise and will escalate the whole situation. Instead, wait for the tornado of emotions within you to settle down.

Then talk to her about her newfound ‘friend’. Don’t accuse her of something.

Just casually try to find out what’s going on in her life. Give her a chance to explain. See if she is honest.

2. Become An Attractive Man

The importance of being an attractive man to your woman might not be clear to you right now. But you’ll regret it the day she leaves you for someone else.

Would that be her fault? Not entirely. Has your relationship started feeling mundane, and she often complains it is getting boring?

Does she often hint at the fact that you were a much more exciting person before? The chances are that you’ve started taking her and your relationship for granted.

You’ve settled into a comfortable routine. If the guy she is texting isn’t the one she is planning on leaving you for, the next one might be him.

Playing With Fire is a golden guide filled with practical, step-by-step advice to hack into the psychology of any woman.

Using this knowledge, you’ll be the only guy on your girlfriend’s radar, and she will not even think about any other man in a romantic way.

Get an insight into Playing With Fire with my detailed review.

3. Do A Background Check

She is talking to someone she has known for a very long time, or is it someone new?

It is much more possible he might have been friend-zoned a long time ago if he is an old acquaintance or friend.

But if this person is someone new, there is a possibility that he may have some ulterior motive or your girl finds him attractive.

Knowing their history will help you find out the type of bond they have and judge whether it is not crossing a line.

Even if it’s an old friend, don’t sit back and relax because you never know when someone can begin developing a soft spot for the other.

4. Never Ask Her To Cut Ties

Asking your girl to stop communicating with this new guy is a big no-no as it makes you seem insecure, desperate, and needy.

Guys who are secure in themselves are least bothered about whom their girlfriend is chatting up.

What if they are just friends and she has no intentions beyond that platonic relationship?

You asking her to stop will make her think you doubt her and her commitment to you, which can be a massive blow to her dignity.

And even if she is interested in this guy, she will see that you are giving her orders and stealing her freedom.

She will not only refuse to do what you want but might text and see this other guy even more just to get back at you.

Never Ask Her To Cut Ties

5. Leave No Room For Confusions

Accusing your girlfriend of cheating should be your end resort. There is no coming back after doing so.

It would be best for you to get all the evidence and facts clear so that you can prove your point when you finally confront her.

There shouldn’t be any second thoughts or maybes when you do talk to her. Get her within the crosshair and make sure she admits the truth if she is indeed guilty.

Because if things are not clear in your head and you have weak facts and evidence, she can easily manipulate you by telling stories if she is actually cheating on you.

6. Don’t Try To Hack Her Phone

Never ever try to hack into her phone or sneak into her chats because by doing so, you are not only breaching her trust but also multiple laws.

You may end up behind bars if she chooses to file a complaint against you. However exciting this thought may feel, hold it and think wisely.

Instead, follow her actions and behavior while she is on the phone, as advised earlier. They are enough to point you in the right direction.

7. Confront Her

It’s very rare for people to wait until this point, but if you have, then pat yourself on the back as you did some difficult things.

Now that you are prepared the right way tell her everything you know. Don’t leave any stone unturned and ask her to be honest.

If you are still not sure about the cheating thing, you shouldn’t talk to her in the first place.

But if you do, then politely let her know how you have been feeling about her actions lately and how uncomfortable you are with all this going in your mind.

Let her clear the air and see if her words are in agreement with her actions.

8. If They Are Just Friends

In case all this was a huge misunderstanding, or you were overthinking the whole scenario, apologize to your girlfriend.

You did everything in your capacity to avoid an error in judgment, yet here we are. There is no shame in admitting the blunder.

At this point, she must be very hurt because of you not trusting her enough and doubting her.

So an apology without lame excuses and justification is the best way to start the conversation, followed by letting her speak.

Next, you must accept her friend because if you won’t, she will think that you still don’t believe her.

And needless to say, if she decides to get away from this relationship, do not force or beg her to stay back.

You made a blunder, and it is her choice whether or not to stay with you.

The ball is in her court now. Give her time and space. This is the best way to help her heal her wounds.

If They Are Just Friends

Is Texting Someone Considered Cheating?

As a general rule, texting someone other than your partner is not cheating till there is no ulterior motive involved and your intentions are pure. There is no harm in holding a casual conversation with various people as we all are social beings.

You can not keep your partner to yourself or away from the outside world as it will only suffocate both of you.

Whether or not you show your text conversations to each other is totally up to you.

There is no need to worry if the texts are within the ethical bounds of a relationship set by both of you.

But if you know that the conversations you are having with this new person are beyond what your partner can accept, and if you feel the need to hide them from your partner, you are officially on the wrong track.

You may push the boundaries by telling yourself that this is not wrong, but deep within, you know that you have crossed certain lines.

What Is Cheating And What Isn’t?

It is cheating when you start feeling something for this new person and give fuel to this fire by talking to them more and more.

If you begin disconnecting with your partner both physically, mentally, and emotionally and investing more time in this new person, it is cheating.

And of course, the undeniable signs of cheating through texts are exchanging racy pictures, sexting, and trying to take things to the next level by making things physical with this person.

If you plan on dating this new person or sleeping with them, it is cheating.

However, there is no harm in platonic texting if you do not let it develop into anything else from there.

Sadly, most people cannot do that with someone attractive. Don’t play with fire if you don’t want to get burnt.

While texting a person who is not your partner, it is crucial to keep in mind what you are doing and how it will make your partner feel.

If something feels wrong to you, then it is wrong. There are no ifs and buts about it because the line between healthy flirting and cheating is thin.

You will not know when you’ll end up on the other side of the line. Stay honest and loyal towards your relationship and know your boundaries.


There is nothing wrong with texting a guy, be it known or unknown. What matters the most is her love for you.

If she loves you no matter what, she will stay honest and loyal to you.

You won’t need to spy on her, and if she doesn’t, then howsoever hard you try, she will cheat on you or leave you for someone else.

So, the most prominent sign to look for will be her actions and reactions towards you.

If she cares for you, she will share everything with you that you must know and will not do anything of the sort that may hurt your feelings or sabotage your relationship.

Shashank Verma

A trained theatre actor and a STEM graduate who brings perspectives and methods from these worlds into dating and relationships. Also a big time Krav Maga enthusiast and practitioner.

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