Do you feel that you have become distant and cold with your husband? Have you shut down the doors to communication and connection with him?
If you don’t love your husband anymore, either separate and get a divorce or try to fix your marriage. Knowing what’s your best course is crucial to judge whether putting any effort is worth it or not. Clinging on when you shouldn’t will ruin you forever and affect any future relationships.
We can not make this decision for you, but we can help you make a better choice and help you monitor your marriage closely.
How Do I Know If I Don’t Love My Husband Anymore?
You don’t love your husband anymore if you don’t feel any emotional connection with him. There is an absence of care, affection, anger, jealousy or excitement and a constant feeling of regret. You no longer even hate him. Hate is still an emotion. Instead, you’ve just stopped caring.
Often, we feel that we don’t love someone just because we’re going through a rough patch.
However, it’s not true, and the feelings of love return even stronger once the bad phase is over.
But, if the observations and feelings mentioned below have stuck around with you for more than 10-12 months, things are bad indeed.
Knowing this subtle difference is important so that we don’t give up on our marriage so easily because friction is common in any marriage.
1. You Don’t Feel Like Talking To Him
It’s been a long time since you had a real heart-to-heart conversation with your husband.
You find that you never initiate a conversation until it’s really important or urgent and you have no other options.
Talking to him irritates you and makes you anxious. Usually, you try to avoid him as much as possible.
Maybe it’s because of the continuous disappointment he has been to you.
2. There Is Zero Physical Intimacy
You don’t feel a thing when your husband tries to make love to you.
The idea of getting intimate with your husband disgusts you and rather feels like a chore that just needs to be done maybe once in a blue moon to keep things sane.
You are no longer even attracted to him. Being intimate feels like a burden to you instead of something that’s supposed to give pleasure.
You might have even managed to keep yourself away from his touches for a long while now, and you intend to keep things that way only.
3. You Don’t Miss Him When He Is Away
Having no time to miss your husband when you see him daily is one thing.
But if he is away from you, say due to a business trip, and his absence doesn’t bother you, then it’s a sign that you have fallen out of love.
You don’t call or text him when he is away. You feel more free and happy when he is not with you.
When he comes back to you, there is no sense of joy but the feeling of suffocation.
4. Your Phone Is Your Priority When He Is Around
Using your phone all the time intentionally or unintentionally to avoid your husband is a sign that you are not in love with him.
You would rather chat or talk with other people or scroll down endlessly on your social media feed than face your husband.
It’s because at least your phone feels more interesting to you somehow, or you know there will be another fight irrespective of what you two talk about.
Thus, using your phone has become an instrument to maintain peace in the house.
5. Sharing Your Life With Him Is An Alien Thought Now
Your husband would be the last person to know if anything good or bad happens to you.
You don’t share your day’s highlights with him and don’t want to involve him in any aspect of your life.
There is an almost secret life you are living and not interested in sharing your joys or sorrows.
You think that telling things to him would do more damage than good because you feel that he isn’t mature enough as a man to understand any of it.
6. He Is No Longer An Attractive Man To You
When we are in love, the person we love seems the best among everyone. You don’t consider anybody else to be above them.
But now your husband is the least attractive person to you. Looking at him turns you off, let alone igniting a fire of passion in you.
Love nurtures on the foundation of respect and attraction. Sadly, you’ve lost both for your husband, and thus, love ceases to exist.
7. You Don’t Care About Him
Care comes naturally when we love someone, and when that love dies, we tend not to think that much about them.
You’ll find that you’ve stopped caring about your husband in every way.
You don’t care where he goes, what he eats, the way he dresses, what’s going on with his work or in his life.
You find it much more worthwhile to concentrate on your own life even if you know he’s going through a rough patch.
This doesn’t make you a monster. You’re human, after all.
8. There Is Emotional Detachment
You don’t feel a thing for your husband emotionally. When you guys fight, you don’t feel angry. His words can’t hurt you anymore.
There is no jealousy left in you.
Even if you find him flirting with someone else, the maximum reaction that comes out of you is a sigh of disappointment and pity.
You feel that letting him be would be the best for your own peace of mind. You simply are not bothered at all.
There is no emotional connection from your side.
9. You Prioritize Your Own Needs Now
After getting married, you usually made sure to keep your husband’s needs above everybody else and sometimes even after your kids.
All that has changed now. Now you increasingly find yourself turning him down for almost everything without giving it a second thought.
If you have to choose between going out with your husband or chilling with your friends, you will choose the latter instantly.
You have started putting your own needs above your husband’s.
10. There Is No No-Distractions Time
The thing that keeps you connected to your partner is some one-on-one time, and you are not willing to give that time to your husband.
It could be anything, from a simple walk in the park to getting frisky in the bedroom.
You don’t feel like sitting down and planning things with your husband. You prefer keeping yourself busy with other things.
If he plans something for both of you, you try and come up with excuses to say no to his proposals.
11. You’ve Stopped Investing Emotions and Efforts
You’ll find that you have stopped putting even minimal effort into your marriage. It’s human nature to try and make the people we love happy.
We often go out of our way just to make someone feel special and get some validation from them.
Since you no longer love your husband, you won’t try to do things that make him feel special or happy.
The bag of tricks with all the cute gestures or pleasant surprises feels empty now.
Even if something does come out, it can be for an acquaintance but rarely for him.
12. There’s Disagreement On Almost Everything
Disagreement is common among couples, especially in marriages as the years pass away.
But if yours stems from the irritation you feel when your husband is around, then you don’t love him anymore.
You’d often find yourself arguing just because his presence makes you cranky.
Later on, when alone, you might regret it and feel you could have handled the situation better.
However, even the next time, you won’t argue rationally and maybe argue just for the sake of it. Why?
Because it makes you feel light and gives you the satisfaction of taking out your pent-up frustration on him.
13. There Is No Excitement Left In Your Marriage
You dread the idea of being around your husband no matter what you are doing together.
The thought of experiencing new things with your husband does not excite you anymore.
Vacations, going to new restaurants, visiting fun places, meeting his friends or family, having him around when you’re meeting yours, etc., all feel boring and forceful because you feel cornered.
Given a chance, you’d rather do everything alone or with a friend with whom you can actually enjoy your life for a change.
14. You Are Attracted To Other Men
Have your eyes have been wandering around a lot lately? Since you are not interested in your husband, you’re probably seeking that affection from other men.
You are looking for someone to fill the void in your life. Note that this is different from the behavior of a habitual cheater who does it purely due to lust.
Your reasons might be mixed.
In no way do we condone cheating on your husband or encourage you to go ahead, but know that it is human to seek affection elsewhere when not getting any from your husband.
The correct and ethical way to act on your desires is to separate from your husband completely and then do whatever you want. Do not cheat!
15. Getting a Divorce Has Been On Your Mind Lately
You have often thought about leaving him for good. You feel that there is no scope of things ever being the same as before.
Compromising with your peace of mind is something you just cannot do anymore.
Instead, you’ve begun dreaming of a future without him and feel that you’ll be more free and happy if you separate for good.
16. You Went Ahead and Cheated On Him
You’ve cheated on your husband, but still, you don’t feel an iota of guilt.
It might be because he cheated on you first or simply out of spite to teach him a lesson. To make matters worse, you actually feel happy and full of life.
This confuses you a bit since, theoretically, you’re supposed to feel guilty and bad about it.
You feel like you wouldn’t mind doing it again because your husband’s feelings don’t matter to you. Now you are thinking about yourself only.
17. You Don’t Feel Close To Your Husband Anymore
The feeling of knowing your husband inside out, the feeling of being connected on a different level, and being the closest one to him is no longer there.
Neither do you want him to come close to you, nor do you allow him even when he wants to. This includes both emotional and physical proximity.
You are running away from your husband in a way. You’ve created a wall between you two that is difficult to penetrate for your husband.
18. Pushing Him Away Has Become A Norm For You
Even when your husband tries putting in the effort to make things right, you’re not willing to let him penetrate that wall we discussed above.
No matter what he does, every effort seems small and like a formality to you, and you never stop complaining.
If it does achieve anything, it’s that it makes you even more furious. Why?
Probably because you’re not happy with him and have made up your mind to leave.
Therefore, you see everything he does with a certain frame of mind, twist his actions to suit what you’re thinking instead of seeing things as they are.
Also, it is possible that he is just trying to cover up for his failure through these formalities and doesn’t actually feel equally responsible for the failure of the marriage.
His actions might be to just shut you up for a while and have some peace in the house.
19. There Is No Spark Left In The Relationship
Even you don’t do what you can to keep up the spark. This is different from grand gestures.
We’re talking about being a bit understanding over here and seeing things from his perspective. You’ve stopped doing simple stuff like saying, “I love you”.
There are no cozy moments, and you have turned cold towards your husband.
20. Lack of a Feeling of Safety Around Your Husband
You can’t love a person you fear. You can’t love your husband if he has a short temper and anger issues.
Probably, you are with him only because you are scared that he will hurt you if you try to leave.
The chances are high that you mostly live in fear anyway and only focus on how not to piss him off.
Understandably, it makes your life miserable and loving him is not even a thought, leave alone the last thought on your mind.
What Do You Do When You Don’t Love Your Husband Anymore?
At this moment, you must take a step back and closely monitor your marriage without being partial. Look at both sides of the coin.
Doing so will help you make a decision. If there is the slightest hope that you can and should make this marriage work, then you might as well try.
1. Fighting To Save Your Marriage
1.1 Is it worth the effort?
First of all, you need to see whether you should give your marriage a chance or not. Will your husband be willing to give whatever it takes to fix this marriage?
Are you willing to do the same? Take some time and think about it rather than jumping to a conclusion in the heat of the moment.
If the problem is that you and your husband have communication issues but nice people overall, you can consider giving it a shot.
Also, try and work upon your marriage, especially if you have kids and you don’t want them to experience the pain of their parents separating.
But, this should not be the only reason why you’re sticking around.
1.2 Understand the reasons behind the failure
Before fixing something, you must know the reasons that caused the problem in the first place.
This is important to avoid any future repetitions of the same problem. Is it just you or your husband or both of you who are responsible for the fallout?
If it’s only you rejecting your husband’s advances for whatever reasons, you should start analyzing your emotions and actions by looking deep within yourself.
If it’s because of your husband not playing his part properly in the marriage, you must work together to resolve the issues.
Know that the mistakes can be corrected, and the guilty can redeem themselves.
1.3 Communicate your needs better
The clearer you are about your needs in this partnership, the better the chances of them being met.
You need to be vocal about what you want and don’t want, what you like and what you don’t like.
Don’t expect him to know everything without actually telling it. Also, it’s never too late to set standards and boundaries, even with your husband.
If you don’t like him prioritizing everything else above you, or you absolutely detest a certain habit of his, let him know.
Explain clearly how you feel and what he must do to change that. Also, be willing to do the same for him.
1.4 Bring back the forgotten past
With time, marriages do become monotonous, and couples tend to take each other for granted. But remember, there was a time you loved your husband.
You were happy with him, and he made you feel special. All both of you need to do is be the same people who fell for each other.
This also includes being in shape and looking physically attractive. Think of ways to make him feel loved even though you don’t feel like doing so.
Making yourself the same attractive person as you were during the courtship period does help change the dynamics of the marriage.
1.5 Bring a change within you
This feeling of not being in love with your husband can also stem from your own negativity and insecurities.
Do you think that you have managed to mature as a person after getting married or only went downhill? Have you been your best self?
If the answer is no, then it calls for introspection. You need to see the good in others first to be able to see and feel love.
Professional failures, unfulfilled desires, etc., often make those around us bear the brunt of our own uneasiness and dissatisfaction with life.
Bring a change in your lifestyle and try to think positively by seeing the good in things and people. Try to adopt a healthy lifestyle and take care of yourself.
Love yourself first to be able to love your husband. Learn to live again.
1.6 Seek individual and couples counseling
Sometimes two people are so obsessed with their own point of view that they find it hard to understand what the other person is trying to say.
What seems like 6 to you might be 9 to someone else.
If you feel that no matter how much you communicate, neither of you will ever understand the other, then it’s in your best interest to take the help of a third person.
Couples therapy can help you both listen and communicate more flexibly and understand each other better, leaving less room for heated arguments.
Along with couples therapy, you should also have individual sessions with the therapist to work on issues specific to your personality.
This will help you get faster results.
2. Divorcing Your Husband
2.1 If you’re in a toxic marriage
Toxic marriages become more toxic with time, and being in one hoping for a change is like dying every day in the hopes of living someday.
If your husband is disrespectful to you, tries to control your life, and is abusive (both emotionally and physically), you must not have second thoughts about leaving him right away.
If you’re scared, get in touch with someone you trust so you two can figure out how to involve the state and its machinery to save your life.
There is a far better life out there that you will only dream of if you’ll stay tied to this joke of a marriage.
2.2 When you’ve tried everything
If you feel that you’ve hit a dead-end and there is no moving forward, leaving him would be a better option.
You tried changing him, you tried changing yourself, but some things remain the same no matter how much you try.
Maybe you are two different people wanting different things in life.
With a different set of rules, principles and expectations from their spouse, people often do not prove to be the best for each other despite being wonderful people individually.
It would be better if you both understood this and ended this marriage with mutual agreement.
2.3 Do you love someone else?
It won’t be wise to be with your husband when you love someone else. You know that you won’t be able to love him the way he wants.
You may think of hiding your feelings and compromising for the sake of your marriage, but for how long can you put up the façade?
It will only make you both suffer every day. A marriage without love is nothing but a compromise.
And the question here is, what are you compromising for and is it worth losing your peace of mind?
Wouldn’t you be better off with someone you actually love?
2.4 You want to focus on yourself
Sometimes in the pursuit of making your married life a happy one, you tend to lose yourself in the process.
And when you don’t love your husband anymore, putting up with the charade for long becomes difficult.
Do you believe that you deserve better than what you are getting? Do you have this zeal to live life the way you want?
Is your husband very clear that he won’t be by your side? Then putting an end to such a marriage seems the only logical step.
A marriage where you cannot grow as a person, dream, and be who you are meant to be is not worth it.
Conclusion
According to religious teachings, marriages are supposed to last till death. But the reality is a little more complicated than that.
There are many factors to keep in mind, but most importantly, you should make each other happy and keep the spark alive.
You may think ending your marriage will end your suffering, but the grass is not always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.
If you can and want to make your marriage work, then try like you’ve never done before.