Losing the love of your life leaves a life long heartache that is hard to heal. As time passes, their absence will become more prominent and more hurting. You may overcome and move on in life, but they will always be with you in your memory.
After losing the love of your life, do not try to rush yourself through the grief. Take as much time as you need to make peace with the fact that this person is no longer in your life. Cry your heart out because it really helps. Acknowledge and accept the truth to cope up in a more natural way.
You should be strong-willed about facing your pain. Don’t stop believing in a better future. Life without hope is meaningless. Take time as time heals everything.
What To Do When You Lose The Love Of Your Life?
When you lose the love of your life, don’t try to trick your brain into avoiding thinking about the loss. Living in denial only prolongs our suffering. The sooner you make peace with the truth, the better you’ll feel. Healing is a process that’s going to take time and effort.
Losing the love of your life either to death or separation in the form of a divorce or breakup is a heart-shattering experience.
We all go through this at least once in a lifetime. It’s tough to overcome this loss, as with them, you also lose a part of you.
In a situation like this where you are broken and hurt, it’s obvious to feel lost.
Moving on without them would be the last thing on your mind as it’s the love of your life that was involved.
So, here we are to guide you through this challenging period.
1. Don’t Walk Away But Feel The Pain
You are in deep, deep pain of the loss you just went through, and all you want is to escape from all this.
You must be feeling like if only there were a potion that could have cured all your heartache, but no, you must go through all these feelings of sadness, anger, fear, distress.
Don’t walk away from your emotions. The more you ignore them, the faster your grief will come running back. So, deal with your feelings first.
TABLE : Most Distressing Incidents For Different People
|Loved one’s death or terminal illness||100%|
|Loss/theft of valuables or memorabilia||57%|
|Separation from a loved one||82%|
|Serious illness of a loved one||94%|
|Hacked social media account||71%|
|Losing contacts or digital data||47%|
|Feud with a friend||31%|
|Accident or mishappening (with injury)||69%|
|Accident or mishappening (without injury)||21%|
|Simple illness of a loved one||8%|
NOTE: Percentage does not equal to 100 due to most people reporting several incidents as distressing.
Give yourself time to grieve. Take the bull by its horns. Accept whatever happened, happened for a reason.
It’s okay to be broken sometimes as it will only make you stronger and wiser for the rest of your life.
2. Forgiveness Is The Key
Stop holding yourself responsible for whatever happened.
Yes, you might have made a few mistakes or wish you could have done things differently back then.
However, remember that you have no control over the past. Forgiving someone else or even yourself is never easy, and it may take some time.
But remember, it’s hard to find peace without forgiveness. You must forgive yourself and even them to break free.
Tell yourself that it was bound to happen, and no one is responsible.
3. Distractions Won’t Help
You can’t bear how your mind keeps taking you back to them again and again, no matter how hard you try to distract yourself.
Your heart reminds you of how they made you feel loved. Your skin reminds you of their touch, which you won’t be able to feel again.
All these feelings combined are enough to make a person go crazy. So, you try to distract yourself with other things.
Temporary distractions are of no use as they will give you only a short-term relief.
But the moment you find yourself alone, all these unacknowledged feelings are going to haunt you.
A temporary escape at the end of the day is a temporary escape.
So, rather than distracting yourself with foolish things, focus on something real and progressive, like facing your feelings.
The next step can be to do something that you really enjoy.
Something which will make you happy and take your mind off naturally. It should not feel forced, and this process certainly isn’t easy.
4. Accept And Be Hopeful
Life is unpredictable and full of challenges and hardship. We don’t get to choose a bed full of roses for us.
Whatever happens to us or those around us is not in our control but how we react to it is in our hands.
Either we will completely break ourselves over the loss or evolve into a better version of ourselves after overcoming the unbearable pain.
Accept the reality of life and move on.
At this moment, when your whole world has turned upside down, it’s essential to believe that something good is going to come your way.
Maybe not now, but definitely in the future. Hope can be an immense driving force.
5. Balance Your Thoughts
Our thoughts have the power to drown us in sorrow or to drag us out of it in a happy palace. It all starts in our heads.
We can’t feel pain if we are not thinking about it.
However, the more we actively try not to think about something, the more we end up thinking about the same, right?
We take ourselves back again and again to the memory of the lost love and start feeling their absence.
So, you need to become the controller of your thought. Not an active controller, but a passive one.
The moment you realize that you are thinking about the same thing over and over, snap out of your trance.
If you are sitting, get up and take a walk. If you are in the hall, go to some other room.
Change your physical location or whatever it was that you were doing. It feels weird at first, but it also helps.
Have a good balance between your negative and positive thoughts.
Another trick is to immediately replace painful thoughts with a good memory where you were happy.
However, that good memory should not be associated with the person you lost.
Keep reminding yourself of the good things in your life and the people who are with you at present.
6. Give Yourself Time To Heal
Some people feel ashamed or guilty about taking a long time to deal with a tough loss.
They try to hide their pain or put on a charade to avoid showing their real feelings and get judged for them.
It’s not right to bury what you feel under the pile of your work and unnecessary things.
Address what you are feeling and give yourself time to process all this. Don’t feel shy to take support from others as this is all part of life.
It’s okay to be vulnerable and to be seen by others in this state. Only you can get yourself out of this.
The more you delay the process, the longer it will take for you to feel better.
But also, do not cry your heart out in front of every other person. Do it in front of a select few.
7. Shift Your Focus
You need to let go of the things that are out of your control. There is nothing you could have done……at least this is what you should be thinking.
Hindsight is a tricky thing as it makes everything in the past seem so easy.
It’s a waste of time and energy to continuously think about what you could have changed to get an alternate outcome.
Realizing your mistake and not repeating it in the future is one thing, but getting caught in a loop of thoughts and guilt will only keep you from moving forward.
Rather than feeling helpless, shift your focus to the present, where things are still in your control.
Stop ignoring those who are with you right now because now you know that everything can change within the blink of an eye.
8. Learn From Your Experience
We can’t go back in time and change the fate of a relationship that we wanted to last forever.
Losing someone we love breaks us into pieces, but it is also an experience that we all must go through to learn the way things work in life.
We know it hurts, but can we do anything about it except accepting and moving on.
Every person who comes into our life teaches us something directly or indirectly.
We spend the precious time of our lives with them, and when they leave us, we are not the same person as we were before.
Maybe we will be a little broken but wiser. So, learn from your experiences and leave the past in the past.
9. Surround Yourself With Loved Ones
Being with people we love and who love us the most in difficult times works as a ray of light in empty darkness.
It reminds us how easy it is to cry over what we lost and how we always ignore the good things that we have in our lives.
Things for which we should be grateful because many go through whatever you are going through totally alone.
Sadly, many of them end up taking their own lives because the world is just too busy to listen and empathize.
Let your close ones know how you feel, talk to them, and let them be there for you.
Yes, they cannot replace the person you lost but then again, replacing them isn’t the motive.
Don’t close the doors to the outside world. Go out and communicate your feelings.
10. Live Without Regrets And Love Yourself
While going through all this mess, we forget about ourselves.
With the everyday struggle of our emotions and constant fights with our thoughts, we stop thinking about the person who will always be there for you no matter what, i.e., you yourself.
We start living a meaningless life.
To live a happy life, it’s important to be kind to yourself and show compassion. Do things that you like, things that make you happy.
Start refreshing your life, kick out all the negativity and make way for positivity and happiness.
Self-care and self-love are the best things that you can gift yourself and will help you heal faster.
How Long Does It Take To Get Over The Love Of Your Life?
It takes at least a year to get over the love of your life, feel better and move on. But in a true sense, we never really forget the love of our life. Their memories will always remain with us. We’ll keep recalling them every time someone talks about them or we experience something related to them.
It’s just that we do not reminisce as frequently. Losing someone you loved leaves you in a deep pain, which is pretty hard to get out from.
There is no particular time period as to how long it will take you to stop feeling sad over the love of your life.
Usually, people take at least three months to move on gradually and at least a couple of years to stop feeling anxious to the point where they break down.
The Soft Spot Will Always Exist
People do carry a soft corner for their loved ones forever if the relationship was incredibly intimate.
The time taken to control your thoughts and emotions varies from person to person, and the intensity of feelings involved.
Also, emotionally strong people face fewer difficulties and don’t take much time than those who are very sensitive.
Overcoming the effect that your love left on you can be pretty difficult, but eventually, we all get out of the dreaded zone at some point or other.
Losing The Love Of Your Life Because You Fought
So, the love of your life left you because you were continually picking fights with them.
Breaking up because of regular fighting is the worst thing that can happen to a couple.
We know it is heartbreaking, but you need to understand that no one wants a relationship where there are frequent arguments and fights.
We get into a relationship to be happy.
We seek someone to be our companion, someone who understands us, who is there when we need them, in our highs and lows.
And when that same person becomes the reason for our misery and living with that person feels terrible, one feels it’s better to leave that person.
You can’t undo what’s done but what you can do is understand the situation, learn and change.
1. Find What Went Wrong
Fighting is the most common thing in a relationship. Couples tend to fight almost over everything.
But if you found yourself constantly fighting with your partner over the same things, then it means that some unresolved issues lead to a breakup.
What you need to know is why you picked fights with them? Get to the root of the problem.
You need to introspect, take some time away to reflect on yourself. See where you went wrong and what you could have done instead of what you did.
It will help you in your future relationship and make you a better person.
Apologize to your partner if you ever misbehaved in any way, but it doesn’t mean you start begging them to come back.
2. The No Contact Rule
The key to overcome this difficult period and to get the love of your life back is to follow no contact rule for at least 30 days.
Give them and yourself space to breath. Reply to their texts or calls politely but keep the conversations under 5 texts or 3 minutes.
You should NOT initiate contact.
It sounds contrary to what your instincts tell you but trust us on this one.
Give your sweetheart some time to miss you and realize all the other good things about you.
Maybe they will come back, maybe they will not, but don’t hold on tight to it as you will only push them farther away.
Meanwhile, work on your mental and physical health, learn the art of loving yourself, and only then you will be able to love others.
Losing The Love Of Your Life To Death
No word can describe the feeling of losing the love of your life to death.
There is always a feeling where you wish you could have said that and done this instead.
Not even getting a chance to say goodbye is a cruel trick from fate, but this is how things are.
Suddenly living feels like a burden, and everything around you feels empty without them.
There is a rush of multiple emotions you feel within, and you have started fearing life’s uncertainty.
This is a difficult period but you need to be stronger than the problem at hand.
Right now it may feel like there is no coming out of this suffering but remember time heals everything. You just have to give yourself time and be patient.
1. Don’t Isolate Yourself
It will be hard at first to believe what has happened. You may even expect your love to come back even though you know they can never.
You can contradict the whole truth and feel as if you are going crazy, but hey that’s completely okay while you are grieving.
But what you should avoid doing is shutting down the outside world. It’s fine to take a break but not by isolating yourself.
Reach out to your friends and family. Be around them as they are the one who will help you in soothing the pain you are feeling by sharing your burden.
They cannot bring your loved one back, but their presence will have a positive effect.
2. Take Care Of Your Mental And Physical Health
You drain all your energy and strength through suffering after the loss of someone you love. Do not exhaust yourself or avoid your needs.
Eat properly, take adequate sleep and meditate or exercise to keep yourself healthy.
Your body releases endorphins when you exercise, which counter the production of cortisol, i.e., the stress hormones released by your body.
If things are getting worse day by day and you don’t see yourself finding some peace, then you may be going into depression.
In case you have regular anxiety attacks and weird thoughts about life or feel that life is not worth living without your love one, it’s necessary to seek professional help.
This is the first step to prevent suicidal thoughts, and there is no shame in seeking help.
Losing someone you love and coping with grief is a challenging experience. No one can definitively guide you about what’s right or wrong while you are grieving.
They can just be there, and that’s all you need. The more time you’ll give yourself and address your emotions, the easier it will become to come out of this phase.
The pain you feel right now will gradually ease. Know in your heart that everything will be alright at the end.
Now tell us, how are you coping with this tough phase of your life? For more information or any suggestions, feel free to write to us or comment below.