She Has A Boyfriend But Flirts With Me | Why & What To Do?

It usually feels good when a girl flirts, but not so much if she has a boyfriend. A committed girl flirting is more about her than it is about you.

She has a boyfriend but flirts with you because she has a motive. Either she is trying to seduce you or trying to make her boyfriend jealous. Possibly, she is in a bad relationship and needs some fresh air. An accurate way to measure what she intends is to not fall for her words but observe her behavior.

Whatever the scenario is, your actions and the steps to take would vary accordingly. Also, it depends on what you desire from the given situation. Whether or not you decide to pursue her, this is a solid opportunity for working on your flirting skills.

Pro-tip: But hot, single, supermodel-type girls seem way out of your league, right? They aren’t!

You’ve been approaching them with the wrong mindset. What’s the right way? Check out the revolutionary Playing With Fire program to know!

Before We Proceed

We know it is confusing. After all, it is anything but logical. Why is she flirting with you when she already has a boyfriend?

Or wait, is it just you who she is flirting with? There is no ‘one fits all’ scenario that can define your situation.

A list of reasons and corresponding steps you can take seems more appropriate as an answer.

Therefore, in this article, we are going to focus on all those possible reasons and what you can do in those situations to never come out at the losing end of things.

However, we suggest staying away from a woman who’s in a relationship unless she has very strong reasons to leave her guy and be exclusive to you instead.

There are plenty of attractive single women out there who would love to be with you.

What Does It Mean When A Girl Has A Boyfriend But Flirts With You?

1. She Is Just A Friendly Girl

More often than not, you would find that the girl is just being friendly for no apparent reason.

What we tend to pick up as flirting might be another simple conversation for her.

TABLE: Accuracy In Judging Flirting Or Its Absence

Accuracy Level
Men when flirted with37%
Men when not flirted with65%
Women when flirted with19%
Women when not flirted with58%
Source: A study by in which the responses of 400 men and women who interacted with each other and 50 third-party observers were recorded.

Girls are friendly and amiable creatures by nature, not absolutely, but when we compare them to men.

Take the most introverted boy and girl on any given day, and the girl would still be easier to talk to.

It is in their nature to behave in a friendly way with new people, and what you have witnessed might be nature taking its course.

She, on the other hand, sees you as nothing but just another person in her life.

She tends to talk excitedly with all, and why would you be an exception unless you creep her out?

Do Not Overthink

First of all, you want to make sure whether she is friendly to everybody or just you.

A simple way to do this is to observe how she talks to other guys, and in general other people. It should be able to clear your doubts most of the time.

However, if you find that she is only a bit more chatty around you, then too, it may not mean anything significant.

We all have a person in life with whom we are much more comfortable in comparison to other people. Maybe you are that person for her.

If a girl has a boyfriend, it doesn’t mean that he is her best friend too.

Sometimes due to the dynamics of a relationship, one may not be able to talk about everything with their partner.

In that case, she might be talking about something close to her heart, and you wrongly misjudged it as flirting.

she is just a friendly girl

2. She Is An Attention Seeker

Some girls always like to be the center of attention while some might be going through a phase where they are feeling neglected.

Maybe she is dealing with some family issues or is going through a rough patch with her boyfriend.

Whatever might be the reason, right now, she sees you as a resource where she can seek attention from, feel important and validated at the same time.

And for her, the best way out seems to be flirting with you. And why not? Isn’t it the perfect way to catch your attention?

The fact that you are reading this article shows that her moves are right on target. But beware, an attention seeker will seek attention from anywhere.

Today it is you, and tomorrow it might be someone else. Are you sure that you are the only one she is flirting with?

Do Not Give Her What She Seeks

The best course of action is not to give her any attention at all. There are two main reasons why we suggest doing this.

Number one, it is a double whammy kind of situation.

If she is not interested in you, then all this flirting will amount to nothing as she is not going to leave her boyfriend for you.

Number two, if she is willing to dump her boyfriend just because of a rough patch, why would you want to be with such a woman.

If and when she hits a rough spot with you, there will be some other guy. And the second most significant reason is that men giving her attention is what she is used to.

Giving in to her behavior or playing along shows her that you are just another mediocre guy. We want you to behave in an attractive way.

Doing the opposite will pique her curiosity. This is an excellent chance to show attractive traits and flirt back. But do it without attaching yourself to the outcome.

3. She Wants To Know Whether She Is Still Attractive

Relationships put us into a routine and often a kind of monotony sets in.

Months and years of being in a relationship changes our habits and sometimes changes us as a person.

It is true to some extent that we stop putting in the same amount of effort into looking good as compared to when we were single.

Perhaps she feels that she doesn’t look as attractive and maybe her boyfriend hasn’t been giving her as much attention as she wants.

She has started feeling unwanted or undesired in the relationship she is currently in.

While she may not be looking to dump her boyfriend but it might be possible that the girl who has been flirting incessantly with you is not even thinking about you.

Instead, she is testing whether she can still make guys turn around. It gives her a sense of validation to know that guys still have the hots for her.

Show Her Your Attractive Traits Instead

If you see her flirting only with hot looking guys, then it is very much possible that she wants to feel attractive and desired.

If she is a beautiful woman, then most guys drool over her. But she wants to see whether she still attracts the hot ones?

We think that this is an excellent opportunity to amp up your flirting skills. Instead of giving her the validation, we want you to catch her off guard.

Remember flirting is nothing but teasing. Treat her like your bratty little sister. You don’t get nervous in front of your bratty little sister, do you?

Instead, you mess around with her, pull her leg, make fun of her, and give her a hard time.

Any attractive woman is not expecting this sort of behavior because she is used to being treated nicely by the whole world.

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If you don’t catch the bait, you immediately separate yourself from 95% of guys out there who would be willing to be her doormat.

Combine your actions with other traits of being an attractive male but remember, don’t take it any further. Stay away from committed girls.

she wants to know whether she is still attractive

4. She Wants To Make Her Boyfriend Jealous

Does she only flirt with you when her boyfriend is around? Then chances are she is only doing so to make him jealous?

It can be to make her boyfriend realize that she is a catch and he should be giving her more attention than he currently does.

It could also be to instill in him some insecurity and the fear of losing her. Such kind of flirting only stems from the need to be desired more by her boyfriend.

It means that she is only doing it for her boyfriend and using you or any other guy in the process. It doesn’t mean that she is into you.

She is into her boyfriend and wants him to notice her and not take her for granted.

Don’t Fall Into The Trap Of Playing Mind Games

The last thing that you would want is to fall into this trap of playing mind games. For her, you mean nothing, but you could end up being invested in the girl.

Now she is not an evil person for doing this. A girl can often unconsciously do this because she’d be focused on the guy she is with.

And even if she does it knowingly, in her head, it is a win-win situation where you are also getting to flirt or spend time with a hot woman.

If you flirt back with her in front of her boyfriend, then the guy may not be comfortable with you doing so.

You would unnecessarily be inviting the wrath of a stranger upon yourself.

To keep things peaceful, it is better to stay away from such a situation unless you want some cheap drama in your life.

5. She Feels Nostalgic About The Times She Was Single

Sometimes the reason for flirting with other guys while being in a committed relationship can be straightforward for a girl.

She is just missing those times where she could flirt with any guy she wanted without the fear of any consequences.

Do you often hear her talk about the time when she was single apart from the flirting?

Or about missing the small things she was able to do when her boyfriend was not around before this relationship?

Yeah, she is missing being single. Relationships give us a lot, but they also tend to take away a lot from us.

It is normal to feel overwhelmed in a relationship and not have the time to do what you love as frequently as before.

So flirting is just her medium of escape to feel free once again, and it will stop once the feeling of not being free passes away.

Mild Flirting Won’t Be Bad

Mildly flirting with her would not be a bad option. After all, she is just looking for some temporary emotional escape, and there is no harm in it.

Also, since you know this does not lead anywhere, you can flirt back confidently or be around her without being intimidated by her presence.

Beautiful girls often make guys nervous.

If you are someone who has stepped into the dating world after a long time or still hasn’t come around the fear of beautiful women, use this chance to become comfortable while talking to a beautiful woman.

Guys often attach themselves too much to the outcome while approaching women and hence become all fidgety and awkward.

Since you know there is no outcome over here, you will have more control over your emotions.

She Feels Nostalgic About The Times She Was Single

Pro-tip: But hot, single, supermodel-type girls seem way out of your league, right? They aren’t!

You’ve been approaching them with the wrong mindset. What’s the right way? Check out the revolutionary Playing With Fire program to know!

6. She Just Craves Some Physical Intimacy

Let us accept the harsh truth. Even the best lovemaking can become dull and monotonous after some time.

And if you are in a relationship where the intimacy is horrible, it leaves you frustrated!

While there are a thousand ways to bring physical excitement back into your relationship, most people are not willing to go down that road.

Why? Because it requires effort. Instead, they choose the shorter way and seek some physical intimacy outside their current relationship.

As compared to an average man, it is quite easy for a girl to get laid whenever she wants even if it is not with the kind of man she would want to sleep with.

If her flirting is crossing certain boundaries and the scale is tilting more towards the hot and sizzling side, then definitely she is looking for some action.

But the question here is what you should do about it?

Back Off Buddy

We have just one thing to say. Pack your bags and run away buddy! This sort of situation is just not worth it.

There are so many other girls out there in the world who are single, beautiful, and more than willing to get laid.

Why would you want to complicate things? There are so many things wrong here.

First of all, it is morally wrong to cheat on someone. Secondly, if her boyfriend comes to know about it, things are bound to get ugly.

And lastly, it will leave you with a feeling of guilt if you are the reason behind breaking a relationship. If the girl leaves the guy on her own, then it is a different thing.

But if he dumps her or gets shattered because she cheated on him, would you want yourself to be involved in such a scenario?

If you have been reading our articles and working on being an attractive man, then and it is just a matter of time before you have a beautiful, single woman in your arms.

7. Her Current Relationship Is A Bad One

It might be possible that she is in a bad relationship.

It may be an abusive one, both emotionally and physically, or it might be one where she isn’t happy at all due to whatever reason.

In such a situation, you would not only find the girl flirting with you but also continually whining about how she is not happy in her relationship and giving quite valid reasons.

Mind you, this situation is entirely different from where the girl says what a jerk her guy is but ultimately sleeps with him every time.

This is because she is attracted to him. Here, in your situation, it is not the guy who is a jerk, but the whole relationship is a problem.

She might be thinking about leaving her boyfriend and seek affection elsewhere. Also, she wants to know whether are there any takers for her when she finally takes the step?

A lot of people are afraid of being single, so they would rather make sure that they have some other person to be excited about or look up to and not end up alone and single.

Measure Your Chances

The best course of action here is to analyze the situation closely and carefully. Is it a temporary rough patch in her relationship, or has it been going on for a while now?

Is she just getting bored with this relationship, and that is why she wants to leave her boyfriend? Or her boyfriend is actually the monster she makes him seem to be?

It would be best if you were on your toes here to avoid being misled or misreading the situation completely.

If she indeed is in a bad relationship and you are attracted to her, then, by all means, you can think about taking things further.

But you should let her know directly or indirectly that you can only be with her if she is exclusive and not involved with her boyfriend in any way.

Slipping something along the lines of “ Ah, I only date women who I am sure are single!” in a conversation is an excellent way to let her know about your expectations.

But if she is someone who just wants to dump her guy because she is bored with him, then do we need to tell you what to do?

Her Current Relationship Is A Bad One

8. She Feels Bored And Wants Some Drama

Sometimes the relationship might feel stagnant to her. To bring some excitement to it, she feels the need to involve some drama from the outside.

She might be in a perfect relationship, but just because it has started to bore her, she is looking for ways to spice it up.

The reason behind this might be something as simple as to get a reaction out of her current boyfriend and enjoy it.

She might find it cute that her boyfriend gets all jealous and insecure.

This is different from where she was making the boyfriend jealous because he wasn’t paying enough attention to her.

We have already clarified above that she may be in a perfect relationship, but would still flirt with other guys.

To her, it is a way to deepen her bond with her current boyfriend, however cruel it may be to the guy she is flirting with. Because for her, you are not important, her boyfriend is.

Here again, you would find that she only flirts with you when her boyfriend is around and can see you both.

Stay Away From The Drama

We cannot even count the number of instances where guys have told us that all that flirting meant nothing and how they thought it was going somewhere.

Most of them play along just because they felt that maybe, just maybe, the girl would be interested in him eventually.

But the truth is, it was a far fetched expectation. They forgot the critical point that whatever she was doing was for her boyfriend.

Even if you are not there, she would be flirting with some other guy as long as it serves the purpose of getting her boyfriend to react.

Thus, this is not the situation you would want to be in. You would be a man toy to her forever.

Again, we are not saying that the girl who does such a thing is evil because for her, it is just harmless fun, and she finds it cute when her boyfriend reacts.

What she doesn’t realize is she is hurting someone else in the process.

9. She Is An Incessant Flirt

For some people, flirting is something that they cannot stop doing. It is an enjoyable activity and a kind of hobby. And even if they try to curb it, they have no control over it.

They do it without even realizing it. So the girl who has been flirting with you may be nothing but a chronic flirter.

Her boyfriend may object to it, but it is something that he is well aware of by now.

Again, you need to check whether it is only you that she is flirting with or with every other guy, and sometimes girls too, that she meets.

Yeah, chronic flirters will even flirt with the person of the same gender without it meaning anything.

Guys may find it awkward when another guy flirts with them, but for girls, it is something that is not new even if both the girls are completely straight.

Therefore, do not worry too much about it because it is her nature to flirt.

Flirt Back If There Is No Harm

By all means, flirt back if you think it is okay to do so and will bring no harm. However, be aware that she has a habit of flirting.

This is an excellent way to brush up your flirting skills, but this is all there is to it.

If you try to take things further and confront her about how she has been flirting throughout, she might get defensive and tell you that she was being friendly and is like that with everybody else.

To some extent, she is telling the truth as she is like that, all flirty and chatty, with everybody.

Some people might ask you to avoid such a girl, but we suggest you see this as a chance to develop your ‘A’ game.

Flirting with an overly flirtatious woman creates a lot of tension as she doesn’t back down. Instead, she teases back even more.

Thus, handling the constant tension in such a conversation will only prepare you for future encounters with hot women.

She Is An Incessant Flirt

10. She Is A Serial Cheater

This is the type of woman that you should always stay away from. These are the easiest ones to sleep with, but you will not improve as a man by being with them.

Whether or not their relationship is great, it is their habit to cheat in almost every relationship. They have cheated on their partner in virtually every past relationship.

They carry along with them a lot of other mess too, and behavioral problems are common in almost all of them.

Whether it is you or some other guy, she just needs someone to sleep around with despite having a boyfriend back home, who in most cases, is totally unaware of her activities.

Cheating is not a one-time thing for her in a bad relationship (we are not implying that even one-time is pardonable) and is more like a routine behavior that repeats itself over the years.

There are numerous reasons as to why she is doing this. From purely lustful intentions to getting a sense of euphoria, it is all possible.

Being with such a person is like inviting death to your doorstep.

You Are Just A Piece Of Meat For Her

We are not going to coddle the facts. You are nothing but a booty call to her. She wants nothing but some action.

Either she will get it from you or her boyfriend, or somewhere else. The source doesn’t matter as long as she is getting a lot of action.

Now, do you want to keep behaving like a piece of meat for her? Or you would rather be in a relationship with a person who values you?

We hope you do realize that once the passion dies down and she gets over you, she will get another boy toy to play with.

And if by any chance you get attached to her, you will be removed like a fly from the soup.

Everything is fine as long as the sleeping around part for her is ‘No Strings Attached’.

We will give you another reason to not be with such a person which we do not see anybody talk about.

The chances of her contracting a sexually transmitted disease (STD) are exponentially higher.

Therefore, unless you have lost all will to live and deliberately want to destroy your life, we suggest that you stay away from this girl.

11. She Is Actually Attracted To You

Finally, we address the most complex of situations. The above scenarios are easy to handle and advise on, but this one requires a bit more work on your part.

You would want to make sure she is actually attracted to you. Watch out for signs like:

  • Being excited about seeing you
  • Talking to you late at night
  • Hinting in a sneaky that you are the type of guy she likes to date
  • Wanting your attention
  • Keeping your conversations hidden from her boyfriend
  • Finding absurd reasons to talk to you
  • Staring at you often

These are some of the sure-shot signs that the girl is into you.

If she has been doing all of this along with flirting, then my boy, you are the one she has on her mind more than her boyfriend.

But more often than not, the signs of being attracted to you won’t be as visible.

Most girls are experts at hiding such things, and you would have to dig a bit deeper to find out the truth. We will talk about this in the section below.

To Be Or Not To Be (With her), That Is The Question

First of all, you need to determine what exactly do you want. Let us make it very clear not to judge her.

It is acceptable to be attracted to someone while you are in a relationship. The only instance where it becomes wrong is if you choose to act on it in any way.

If you don’t find your current relationship fulfilling enough, fine, but do not hide anything from your current partner and tell them precisely what is going through your mind.

We are saying it is acceptable to be attracted to someone but not fair to keep someone in the dark.

The girl who is flirting with you might be doing so due to a variety of reasons we have talked about in reason number 7 above.

It is when she is not in a good relationship or with a good person.

Or even if she is with a good person, the relationship itself is not fulfilling enough and not what she wants.So it is for you to decide whether to take a chance or not.

We have had several guys tell us that the girl moved on from them to someone else just like she left her previous boyfriend for them.

But, at the same time, we have had an equal number of guys narrate to us beautiful experiences from their relationship of several years with a girl who left their last boyfriend for them.

You want to make sure that she is not cheating on her current boyfriend and is no longer with him if she is even thinking about being with you.

She Is Actually Attracted To You

Pro-tip: But hot, single, supermodel-type girls seem way out of your league, right? They aren’t!

You’ve been approaching them with the wrong mindset. What’s the right way? Check out the revolutionary Playing With Fire program to know!


Remember, observing her behavior is more important than believing her words. It will help you nail the exact reasons.

And no trouble is worth trading a peaceful mind. There are tons of single women without the added baggage a girl with a boyfriend brings.

Now tell us, why was this girl flirting with you, and how you tackled the situation? Share your story in the comments.

Shashank Verma

A trained theatre actor and a STEM graduate who brings perspectives and methods from these worlds into dating and relationships. Also a big time Krav Maga enthusiast and practitioner.

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