What Is A Player In A Relationship? | Signs To Identify One

Your partner might be a player if you have not developed a connection above bodily needs. Getting a hold of them after getting intimate is usually tricky. You may have started to feel like a side thing in their life.

A player in a relationship is a partner who plays with your emotions by misusing your love for them. It’s quite possible that they’ll cheat on you. They are highly manipulative and charming in their approach with flirtatious and smooth words. Players play the people and use them for personal gains.

A player can easily fake being in love with you while giving the same treatment to others. It’s a person full of lies, tricks, and deceit.

How Can You Identify A Player In A Relationship?

To identify a player, don’t fall for their words but observe their behavior and body language, especially around attractive people. Players usually don’t follow up on their promises as most of what they say is fluff. It’s not always easy to understand their game, so it takes practice.

1. All About Themselves

You are in a relationship with a player if they don’t know much about you even after being together for a long time.

Usually, they would talk about themselves and focus on everything else but you at other times.

They’ll have a hard time remembering things you say and sometimes even confuse what you said with something someone else said.

You’ll feel that you have not been able to connect with them on a deeper level because they never show interest.

Even when they say they are listening, you know they are just pretending. No wonder a player would reek of narcissism.

All About Themselves

2. A Big Show Off

If your partner is a player, they’ll know the importance of showing off. It’s the only way they know to seek attention and attract people.

Your partner might spend a lot of time working out not because they want to be fit or are passionate about it, but because they want to look their best to attract others.

The whole mindset is messed up. They’ll only go for branded clothes, shoes, and accessories, which they can flaunt.

They’ll be into expensive automobiles and luxurious lifestyles. You’ll clearly see them showing things off with a poker face when they are out with you.

3. Their Eyes Wander A Lot

Have you ever noticed that when you are out with your partner, they barely look towards you. It feels as if they are looking for someone all the time.

You always have to literally poke them or get upset to get their attention and make them listen.

You have caught them blatantly checking out other people so many times, and now you have started to ignore this side of them.

They are a big-time player if they connect with those random people they check out and later introduce them to you as a friend.

4. Quite Controlling And Possessive

Do they get angry when you say that you are going out with friends?

But when it comes to them, you don’t get an explanation even if they crossed boundaries.

They would not let you make new friends, but their lives are full of random people. This is different from just being possessive. Their behavior is hypocritical.

A player would never want the person they are with to have full freedom like they do because they can’t trust others because of their own infidelity issues.

They would always try to control their partner’s life.

5. Pick Up Fights On Purpose

You are fed up with them picking up fights with you on things that seem trivial and don’t even matter to you.

You think everything is running fine and then see that they have blocked you from everywhere.

And after a while, they would call and try to make things right when they felt like doing so. There is no consideration about your thoughts and feelings.

Confused? Don’t be. In reality, it’s nothing but a charade put to keep you away for a while and have fun without you doubting where they go.

6. Blatantly Flirt With Others In Front Of You

They flirt with other people in gatherings in the name of healthy flirting and not being a spoilsport.

Sometimes you are literally left alone while they engage in a conversation with other people they find attractive.

They behave in a smooth, charming way around them, similar to how they are with you when the two of you are alone.

7. Players Show Inconsistent Behavior

Being in a relationship with your partner feels like a roller coaster ride.

Sometimes you are so high with all that love they give and those special treatments, and then there are the times when they vanish into thin air, and it’s hard to trace them.

You may feel like they have mood swings, but mostly everything is well thought out.

Be it being overly romantic with you to get what they want or those out-of-the-blue fights and shutting you down for some time, everything is a part of a well-thought strategy.

Players Show Inconsistent Behavior

8. Most Of Their Plans Are Last Minute Things

You hardly go on planned dates and dinners with your partner. Meetings happen only when they wish to meet you.

When you make a plan, usually, they’d say no and plan something else that won’t obstruct their other endeavors.

Calling you for some after-party fun or meeting only late at night, or showing up at your place unannounced will be pretty common.

They won’t even hesitate to bail out on you when something more interesting comes up.

9. Lack Of Transparency And Shady Vibes

When in a relationship with a player, you’ll always feel as if they are hiding things from you.

You wouldn’t exactly know what they do, where they are, who they are with, and what do they want from this relationship.

They’ll be vague about everything, whether it’s something as trivial as how was their day or something as major as a life-changing decision.

Despite everything being so shady, they’ll convince you successfully that you’re the one who’s overthinking everything.

10. You Can’t Count On A Player

Your partner is the last person you should turn up to if you ever need any help.

You have plenty of experience now where you sought their help when in a fix and they had some excuse or the other to turn you down.

Neither they ever helped you with anything, nor can you expect it from them. They are selfish and self-centered, to be precise.

You do many things for them because you love them, but they hardly put in any effort to make your life better.

They are least invested in this relationship, and sometimes you feel very alone because they don’t even provide emotional support.

11. Conversations Happen But When It’s Convenient To Them

Your calls and texts go unanswered all the time, and most of the time, their number is unavailable or busy.

They do call you back, but according to their convenience.

You are always one call or text away for them when needed, but you never get the same treatment when it’s your turn.

It could be because they are out with one of their interests and make sure the other person doesn’t get to know about you.

Or they could be with their family and friends, and you are a secret to them as well.

12. Spending More Than A Day With You Is A Rarity

Your partner can’t afford to spend more than a day with you or would let you stay over their place for a long time.

It would increase their chances of being caught.

A player would spend enough time with you during which their needs are being met because they always have other people to attend to.

13. Going Off The Grid Without Notice

It is very typical of your partner to go out of reach for a few days or even a week without any information.

And when they come in contact again, they would always have some top-notch story to feed you with.

At times they won’t even explain their absence at all and act as if nothing happened.

Going Off The Grid Without Notice

14. Hiding Their Mobile Phone From You

When with you, they keep their mobile phones away. And the reason isn’t to spend some quality one on one time.

The objective is to keep their shady secrets hidden.

Or they would turn it off or put it on flight mode so that none of their other partners would be able to call.

And even when they give you the liberty to check their phones, it would be evident that they recently deleted several chats and their call history.

Of course, the reason would be to free up space or having done so by mistake.

15. Players Are Party Animals

Not all people who love to party all players, but almost all players love to party. There are exceptions, but they are rare.

Parties are a great way to meet new people and easily connect over drinks. Your partner is a player if they go to parties every now and then.

They mostly prefer to go alone or with their friends about whom you do not know anything.

Common friends can reveal their charade to you, so they avoid it for obvious reasons.

They prefer hitting on drunk people more than sober ones at a party, and their dance moves are meant to be seductive. And most of the time, they are successful.

Finally, they would seldom disclose the location of the party to you, and even when they do, it might be a white lie.

Usually, they are unavailable throughout the following day or at least until the evening for obvious reasons.

16. Act Different In Public

They become a totally different person when they are out in public with you.

They might take you to less populated places so that the chances of you two being seen by someone they know are minimal.

For the exact same reason, they’ll not hang around with you in their neighborhood or office area.

They’ll behave as if they are out with a friend for a casual meeting. Another strong reason is that they might want to be seen as ‘single’ to other prospects.

A player would want other interested people to approach them even if they’re with you.

Public Display of Affection (PDA) is something players usually avoid indulging in when in a relationship.

Holding hands, hugging, or being touchy might make them uncomfortable as they are more worried about the wrong person seeing them.

Again, other people might be uncomfortable with PDA, too, for their own reasons, but players have a hidden agenda.

17. Their Friends And Family Don’t Know About You

You have never met their friends and family or know much about them.

This is despite the fact that you two have been together in a serious relationship for at least several months now.

Needless to say, their friends and family do not know anything about you. Further, you’ll see that they usually don’t talk about having a future with you.

They might do it once in a while when you call them out, but it is more of a curative measure to pacify you.

They have kept you a secret from other aspects of their life. They don’t want you anywhere near their close ones for safety reasons.

Why? Because if they get exposed while doing their dirty business, you should not be able to talk to their family and friends.

18. Or Their Friends Are Involved In The Game Too!

Their friends you have met may be no different than them.

A big reason why they are friends in the first place might be because they have the same passion, i.e., playing other people.

You’ll know their friends are players because they don’t have to hide that from you.

You’ve seen them talking about other people and discussing private details with nonchalance.

They may even use code words when you are around for things they don’t want you to know.

They might even hit on you sometimes because they know you’ll be available soon when your partner leaves you for someone else.

Or Their Friends Are Involved In The Game Too

19. Smooth Words That Are Too Good To Be True

Whenever they compliment you, the things they say when you are together in a more private, romantic setting just feel too good to be true.

However, the statements they give to define you are generic and could define any other person because they don’t know your real personality.

Check this the next time they try to smooth talk their way out of a situation with you.

Their talks are flattery to either cheer you up when you are upset or seduce you to bed. These are the only two modes your experience with them.

20. You Are Never Their Priority

A player would never prioritize a single person because they have so many on their list.

You’ll often find yourself complaining and literally fighting for their time. There is no certain time or day that is reserved only for you.

Even if they say they are busy with work, it might not always be true because the purpose is to avoid you for a while.

That time might be being devoted to a new interest.

21. Players Lie A Lot

Your partner will lie a lot about their whereabouts and their expenses if you are at that level where you can talk about money. It’s hard for you to trust them.

They lie so much so that they themselves won’t be able to keep track of it and get caught when you cross-question them.

You might give them the benefit of the doubt because you love them, but they’ll misuse your trust and see it as your weakness.

22. You’ve Often Caught Them Using Dating Apps

Dating apps are top-rated among players. Where else would they get the data on so many potential victims in one place?

They can easily set up a date and get laid through the app.

Your partner is definitely a player if they are constantly active on dating apps despite being in a relationship with you.

Their reasons will be absurd, like “just seeing what’s new” or “this is some harmless fun.” They’ll even go on to the extent of accusing you of being controlling.

You might have fought over this many times, and they delete it for a while but become active again when things cool down a bit, and they know you won’t check anytime soon.

23. Players Have A Long History Of Flings

People who have a long history of dating multiple people or having too many flings, one-night stands are classic examples of players.

They would know the whole town because they have slept with most of them and wish to sleep with the rest.

If your partner has also had a long streak of short-term relationships and countless exes, they are a player.

Irrespective of what they tell you, the truth is that they never even tried to build something meaningful as they didn’t want to get into something serious.

They love to play around with as many people as they can.

Players Have A Long History Of Flings

24. Their Friend List Is Full Of Attractive Looking People

Another way to check if your partner is a player is to see what their social media follow list looks like.

They’ll follow all the good-looking people, especially the ones who often post racy picks. Players see these as prime targets.

Their feed would appear to be like a glamor world magazine. Also, players are all about outer appearance and fashion.

They are constantly updating their stories and posting pictures to show themselves off and how cool their lives are.

25. Abundance Of Fake Promises

Your partner would make several promises, most of which you know are fake.

They would say they would take you on a short romantic trip, but that trip never happens in reality.

They would promise to fulfill all your wishes but won’t even know what gift you could actually benefit from.

They don’t do what they say because your happiness doesn’t matter to them.

They don’t love you, care about you, and sadly, you are just another person in their life.

26. Highly Manipulative Nature

A player is a player because they can play with people’s minds and emotions.

They know you are vulnerable around them, and they use that to get things done from you.

You would act like a fool when they are around because all you want to do is please them. They would make you believe things that you never believed in.

Also, they often manipulate you into feeling guilty in case of a fight. Their go-to weapon is saying a bunch of false, emotional stuff.

27. It’s More About Needs Than Emotion

Your partner is a player if they rarely connect with you emotionally.

But don’t confuse it with the times they have tried to make an emotional fool out of you.

They might talk to you about your family, friends, work, and your life in general.

But these rare occurrences only intend to escalate things to physical intimacy or monetary support if you are providing any.

They don’t care about your feelings at all.

28. They Have Cheated On You Multiple Times

They have normalized the meaning of cheating for you. They have somehow made you believe that it’s okay to cheat and still be together.

They have played with your mind by saying things like “You are the only one,” but it still happened because:

  • “I was drunk”
  • “Had a weak moment”
  • “They came on to me, and I couldn’t resist”

You’ll buy all this crap because they make you believe that you are the center of their world despite doing everything which shows otherwise.

They Have Cheated On You Multiple Times


You know your partner is playing with your emotions, but you choose to live in denial.

You have fallen for them deeply and have become habitual to the toxicity they bring in your life and are addicted to this treatment, the highs, and the lows.

You see all the red flags but choose to keep believing the crap they feed you because they are too charming for you.

You love this player because they made sure you do, and you keep asking for more of them. But why? Think about it!

Shashank Verma

A trained theatre actor and a STEM graduate who brings perspectives and methods from these worlds into dating and relationships. Also a big time Krav Maga enthusiast and practitioner.

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