Being ghosted or people dropping interest in you too soon? You are not the problem! However, sometimes you can show signs of being a red flag without knowing, even if you have good intentions. A few easy changes, and you can quickly flip your dating results around.
Don’t come off as needy and desperate during the early stages of dating. It’s a sure-shot way to kill your chances. Also, keep any narcissistic tendencies in check. Dating is a chance to know the other person rather than flaunting yourself all the time. Work on your issues to increase your odds.
These changes are simple but won’t be served to you on a silver platter. You’ll need to work on what’s holding you back. If you want to master the art of dating, study and avoid these common behavioral mistakes, and you’re good to go!
DONT’s Of The Early Days Of Dating
Try not to get too attached during the early stages of dating. See dating as an exercise to study your options.
If you haven’t dated a few people before entering into an exclusive relationship with one, you’re beating the whole purpose.
Check out our article on ‘Dating Multiple People‘ to know how to do it ethically and use it to your advantage!
You should take this time to get to know more people to succeed. Finally, here are our top tips on what not to do in the early stages of dating:
1. Showing Obsessive Behavior
Love, or even infatuation, can be pretty addictive. If you’ve felt a strong attraction once, you know what I’m talking about.
It’s a beautiful feeling when you think someone’s the perfect match for you, but acting out on it every other second may not be your best bet.
In simple words, you do not want to come off as clingy.
Constantly contacting your date, pleading to meet, or even stalking them all the time are signs of neediness.
And neediness is the number one attraction killer. Your date wants you to want them, not need them.
It will also ensure a healthy balance and not leave you both crazy in the long run.
2. Playing ‘Hard to Get’
Extremes are generally bad. Contrary to popular belief, playing ‘hard to get’ doesn’t make you seem attractive.
In fact, it does quite the opposite. Your date will see the inconsistency in your behavior, get frustrated, and may leave eventually.
And if they come to know that you’ve been doing this deliberately, they’ll see you as manipulative and someone who plays childish games.
High-value people don’t need to play hard to get. They are actually hard to get. The thing is – we all need attention, especially from our prospective partners.
So when you show genuine interest and click with the other person, it naturally leaves them with butterflies.
On top of it, telepathy is not real. If you don’t show interest, your date won’t magically realize you’re into them.
When you play hard-to-get, a person will slowly pull away from you because they do not expect a future with you.
3. Putting Yourself Down
Showing no respect for yourself is not only unhealthy for your own self but also for your love life.
Giving your partner an ego boost indeed helps them stay attracted to you, but putting yourself down isn’t the tactic that works.
Avoid talking negatively about yourself during conversations. If you find yourself focussing too much on your flaws, laugh them off and embrace them.
As far as your date’s ego boost is concerned, throwing short, sweet, and unique compliments will just do the job.
4. Creating A Façade
Insecurities are common. While hiding a vulnerable side of you is normal, trying to be someone else to win a date is the biggest mistake you can make.
You may think you look cool, but you will just creep your date out in reality.
Even if you do succeed at progressing through the early stages by pretending to be someone you’re not, it is still just a recipe for disaster.
Keeping a trace of your lies over the long term is not an easy thing to do. Feel confident in yourself and be truthful.
You are who you are – and they will have to accept it unless you are a jerk of course. Then you need to work on your problem areas first!
5. Being Self-Centered
We’ve all been there once – meeting a person who just chatters away about themselves all the time.
Sharing your funny stories, exciting journeys, and quirky thoughts is fun, but it comes with an expiry date like everything else.
Often, this is embedded in you as a habit and can be broken through conscious effort.
Whenever you find yourself talking excessively about yourself, simply apologize and ask questions.
Being curious and letting the other person talk is a sure-shot way of appearing attractive.
By doing this, you will leave your date feeling happy and positive about themselves. Do so, and the next date is already on the plates!
6. Zoning Out When Your Date Talks
Not being listened to is the biggest turn-off! Why would anyone ever want to talk to you if it feels like they’re talking to a wall?
It’s true, we can’t help zoning out sometimes (especially when the person is exceptionally dull), but we can try to bring ourselves back constantly.
So listen to what your date has to offer and allow for tiny moments of silence. When you listen, it will make your date feel special.
That’s the whole point of relationships – finding their special someone.
Bonus tip: Utilize that information later during your dating journey. Let them know that you remember and notice even little things about them. It will immediately make you stand out from all others in their life.
7. Jumping to Conclusions
We often tend to see people in the same light as our own personalities. It’s subconscious, but you can catch it.
Try it the next time you have a long conversation. Are you just assuming that the other person likes something, or did you hear them say it?
Are you trying to find hidden messages in their words? Dating is not a game. Your best bet is always to be straightforward.
Don’t just take your own perception of someone to be the truth. The simple solution is to just ask and accept!
Believe in what they tell you. Making assumptions will only cause chaos when the truth comes out like a blaring siren.
Be open to all possibilities, and you might just end up surprised!
8. Being On Your Phone Constantly
Being on your phone around someone is actually just another way of saying, “You’re not important enough for me.”
Also, if your date is slightly insecure or nervous, this can make them even more uncomfortable.
If you really want to make it, you need to help your date drop the scary jitters and feel at ease with you.
You can avoid this by simply not pulling your phone out. Instead, keep it in your bag or pocket unless it rings.
Even if you do need to take it out when expecting an important call, keep it on the table, put it with the screen facing down, and let your date know why you’re doing so.
It will also help you stay in the moment and enjoy your date.
9. Checking Other People Out
Checking other people out and maybe even flirting with them might not make your date jealous, but it definitely makes you look like an idiot for wasting their time.
And trying to make your date feel jealous is not a healthy way to catch their attention.
If you think flirting in front of your date will make them want you more, you’re in for a ride. If you flirt with others behind their back, it’s time to stop.
Flirting can easily turn into an uncontrollable habit – one that you won’t be able to hide anymore. Instead, find unique and subtle ways to flirt with your own date.
If you intend to see other people simultaneously, make sure that you have clearly communicated it to them before you go out.
Even when you do get on the same page, you should still avoid flirting with someone else in front of them.
Instead, when you’re together, try to give them your full attention for the moment.
10. Making Your Date The Center Of Your World
A few great dates and your partner has left you dizzy? No wonder you want to rush to the next phase!
Of course, we wish it to happen faster, but it should not come at the cost of your own life.
If you find yourself often canceling plans with friends or taking too many breaks at work, it’s time to slow down.
You’re still early into dating, and you want the run to be long, not fast. Ensuring that you maintain a well-rounded life will ensure that you are a happy person.
It’s no surprise – we all like happy people! Holding individuality and your own life will help you avoid many of the mistakes above naturally and effortlessly.
It’s the golden egg to all. Plus, throwing your own priorities and life in the backseat screams of neediness. It shows that you do not value yourself at all.
11. Not Communicating Your Expectations Clearly
Nothing compares to the bummer you feel when you finally start to like your date after a few meetings, only to find out that both of you are looking for entirely different things.
It could have been avoided sooner rather than later and saved you both some time. It’s not a crime to look for different things from the dates.
Have some courage to politely say no and see someone else rather than stick with someone who doesn’t want what you want. You aren’t going to die alone!
So, you want to date multiple people and keep your options open before entering an exclusive relationship with one?
Let your date know even before you see them!
You want to keep it casual, maybe more like a ‘friends with benefits’ situation? Let your date know.
You are not actively dating to get married a few years down the line because you can’t or don’t want to? Let your date know!
12. Just Being Yourself
Just be yourself” is the most hollow piece of dating advice. In fact, it does more damage than good.
There is a difference between being comfortable with who you are and being a complete jerk and doing nothing about it.
We all have some aspects of our lives and behavior that we need to control.
Maybe you’re someone who’s out of shape and looks unattractive? Get in shape because visual attraction is not a myth! It’s one of the foremost things we see in a person.
Maybe you’re unhygienic? Work on keeping yourself clean and dress to impress!
Maybe you disrespect people and insult them as you see them as inferior? Keep your superiority complex in check and learn to be humble.
Unless you are willing to work towards making yourself the best version of you every day, do not whine about why no one likes you or wants to be with you.
Conclusion
The first few stages of dating can seem daunting. But you have nothing to be afraid of. Know that it’s not the end of the world.
The simplest key to dating right is to keep things simple. Flow like water and try not to rush this phase. It will only last for so long, and it will not return.
Well, at least not with this person. Since every experience is unique, try to have all the fun you can and enjoy while life lets you!