Who Wears The Pants In The Relationship? | Characteristics

Have you ever felt like you don’t contribute to the relationship as much as your partner? Pondering over the balance in your interactions is essential as it gives you much more clarity about who has greater control and power in the relationship.

The person who takes all the initiative and is the primary decision-maker in a relationship is the one who wears pants in the relationship. They also tend to establish control over their partner. They might seek their partner’s advice, but ultimately, the choice is theirs.

A relationship where a single partner is in charge of everything is not a healthy one. Hence, it’s important to know the traits of those who wears the pants in the relationship.

Pants In The Relationship – Who Wears Them?

When we talk about who wears the pants in the relationship, it means that one person has more control over all significant actions taken in a relationship. The one wearing the pants is typically the dominant partner in the relationship.

There are some common characteristics of those who tend to wear pants in the relationship:

1. They Take Most Decisions

Both parties must have equal opportunities in the decision-making process when they are in a relationship. But we know that there are times when one person needs to make the final call.

If it is the case that only one partner plans and makes major choices every single time, then it shows that they are the dominant one in the relationship and control things between the two of you.

The one who ends up taking the lead and the other just can’t ever, or they think their partner decides it’s best for them both.

In a healthy relationship, both parties should be able to express their views equally and freely and jointly decide what is right.

They Take Most Decisions

2. They Play Hard to Get

If you were the one who acted uninterested at the start of the relationship, you are likely the one wearing the pants.

If someone is chasing you, doing every possible thing for you so that you just give a relationship with them a chance while you’re not giving them much attention; it’s a sign that you have the upper hand in the budding future relationship.

Someone being after you and doing things to flatter you means that they are giving you much higher importance in their life which shows that the person who plays hard to get has a more controlling position over the other as they are putting in all the efforts to keep you in their life.

3. They Have A Hard Time Apologizing

People who are wearing the pants in the relationship have a difficult time apologizing for what they did. It is less likely that they will back down or give up during an argument.

The person who only occasionally apologizes is typically a dominant, controlling person.

This is also a sign of a power imbalance as one person always puts themselves down in front of the other and apologizes for various things.

4. They Don’t Ask For Permission

In a relationship, the person who doesn’t ask their partner for permission is the one who wears the pants.

It is generally because they think that asking for permission shows a lack of self-confidence and they don’t need any approval from others.

Additionally, those who don’t feel the need to ask for permission are more assertive and in a dominant position.

If a person asks for permission, it implies a certain degree of submission to another person, which the person in the controlling power can’t stand.

5. They Take Responsibility

In any relationship, both partners must take responsibility for their own actions and decisions.

However, it is often seen that the person who takes much more responsibility has a more significant role in the relationship. They majorly get things done and set the limitations in the relationship.

They are the ones who take care of most of the things and ensure that everything is running perfectly.

As a result, the person who takes more responsibility for various requirements and needs wears the pants in the relationship.

6. They Speak For You, Too

If you and your partner are both at a social gathering, such as a party, and your partner is the one who always speaks for you, too, then they are wearing pants.

A sign of a controlling partner is not getting the chance to speak in front of anyone because they speak instead, not letting you have the autonomy of a reply.

They answer everything on your behalf without allowing you to say something and might even cut you off.

Having an equal say to speak and put your perspective within and outside of your relationship is a fundamental right that everyone should have.

If this happens with you, then it is pretty clear that they have this assumption of knowing you better and feel entitled to speak for you.

7. They Initiate Intimacy

Being intimate and romantic is a common practice that people indulge in when they are in a relationship. However, it also matters who first asks or initiates the erotic act.

The one who always initiates engaging in intimate behavior is often wearing the pants in the relationship.

If you’re the one usually just agreeing and your partner is constantly engaging with you first, then you are not in the dominant relationship position.

Also, suppose your partner is initiating it first but not giving you the opportunity to disagree even if you want to. In that case, this could be a very toxic situation in the relationship.

It shows how much power they exert on you if you feel pressured to engage in carnal acts even when you don’t have the energy and mood to do it.

They Initiate Intimacy

8. They Control The Money

It is said that the person who has a hold over the finances and the money is often the one who is wearing pants in the relationship.

The one who makes all the financial decisions in the relationship and doesn’t give you the chance to pitch in is probably the dominant one.

Controlling finances is very important for maintaining a standard of living and ensuring that your daily sustenance requirements are met.

The one with control and power over the strings of the wallet decides to make or break financial stability.

9. They Are Possessive & Controlling

The person who generally wears the pants in the relationship can be the one who is possessive and controlling too.

They might have problems and issues seeing their partner going out with someone else, even if it’s just a friend. That shows their possessive behavior and an intention to assert control over their partner.

They are more controlling towards their significant other and may even interfere with their clothing style, their style of living, and their partner hanging out with their friends can also become a reason for issues with someone like that.

The person wearing pants can be very controlling and will try to restrict your actions, your style of living, your personal choices and anything that you do would affect them, and they might have a problem with that.

10. They Are Not Quick to Tears

The person who has an upper and more dominant hand in a relationship doesn’t cry easily when things go wrong, or during arguments.

This is likely because they are strong-headed, or there are chances that they might not be comfortable when showing their tears in front of their partner.

The one who is quick to cry is the emotional one, and chances are there that they are more emotionally invested in the relationship than the ones who don’t cry easily or get very emotional every time.

Should A Woman Wear Pants In A Relationship?

No one should wear the pants in the relationship for a fair balance of power and decision-making opportunities. Both partners should have an equal share of responsibilities.

However, there have been several pieces of research conducted which have seen that women wearing pants in the relationship has led to the betterment of the connection which the couple shares, also there is better management of things.

1. More Successful Relationships

A study conducted by Bay-Cheng had utilized an online calendar that allowed the participants to mark their own sexual experiences from when they were adolescents to when they entered early adulthood.

Through the data collected, it became much clearer that relationships are much more successful when the women are in power and have greater control over the relationship to maintain the smooth functioning of the relationship.

It is safe to say that women wearing the pants in a relationship is a great idea to have a healthy and stable relationship.

2. Lesser Toll On Mental Health

A study in The Journal of Sex Research found out that men tend to care less if their female partner wears the pants in their relationship than if it would have been the other way around.

Thus, if a woman has less power in the relationship, then chances are high that it would upset her and can even lead to feelings of sadness and anxiety than if the man had less power.

Having the feeling of more power can lead to a boost in women’s confidence and belief in her ability to manage the relationship better and efficiently.

Lesser Toll On Mental Health

3. Not Feeling Oppressed

We all know that women are always taught at a tender age that they are the lesser sex and are meant to be controlled. That’s what patriarchy does.

And when they are in a heterosexual relationship, this could distress the woman tremendously, and she will face a sense of inequality and injustice.

An associate professor, Laina Bay-Cheng, has explained, “Inequality within a relationship doesn’t cost men as much because they are still cushioned by a broader system of male privilege.”

4. Better Leadership

When women are in charge of the relationship, we can observe better management of various issues.

They are quicker, more efficient and more empathetic at identifying and solving issues that might crop up between partners.

Thus, giving the key to the relationship to the women can lead to better management and better stability in the relationship.

5. Maintains Intimacy

It is generally seen that when men are the ones wearing pants in the relationship, a woman can feel a decrease in intimacy when they are not in a position of power in the relationship.

On the other hand, men don’t see relationships in which they are not considered to be the dominant ones as unstable or less intimate.

That said, it has been observed that if young women have less power in their hands when they are in a relationship, it can lead to decreased intimacy and romantic behavior.

The effect is also projected on the relationship’s stability and implies a higher risk of abuse.


The person who is the primary decision-maker and makes most of the crucial decisions between you both in the relationship is the one who wears the pants or the dominant one.

The person wearing pants in the relationship is the one who takes hold of various responsibilities as well as the actions in the relationship.

They are usually the dominant ones and can be a little controlling, too. In a relationship, there should be an equal balance of power and responsibilities.

However, many researchers have concluded that women wearing the pants can lead to higher success as they don’t feel oppressed by their male partners and are better at handling and managing various facets of the relationship.

Shashank Verma

A trained theatre actor and a STEM graduate who brings perspectives and methods from these worlds into dating and relationships. Also a big time Krav Maga enthusiast and practitioner.

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