Why Does Dating Suck? | 11 Reasons and How to Counter Them

We were all taught love to be this dreamy, out-of-this-world thing that can cure all your problems. And sometimes, it is, but finding love in the real world isn’t as smooth.

Dating sucks because most people are heavily emotionally invested in it. Thus, it leaves space for exploitation, insecurities, hurt, and self-doubt. It can bring out hidden parts of you – good and bad. The worst part about dating is that you could give it your all and still fail at it many times.

Dating can suck for multiple reasons, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Once you get the hang of it, you can take its elements and use them to your advantage – let’s see how!

Top Reasons Why Dating Sucks

1. The Reward Isn’t Guaranteed

The most unpleasant part about dating is always its uncertainty. You may like someone to death, and it may not work out.

You can put in all your effort, and you still can’t even know for sure whether you’d be together in the long run. You can like what you see now, but you can’t be certain who that person will turn out to be.

Rejections and failures in dating can also hit your self-esteem for future prospects. And there’s nothing you can do about it – it’s just a part of dating meant for the best but feels like the worst.

2. It’s Too Time-Consuming

Finding a partner isn’t an easy job. Finding out whether a person is the right one is an even harder job. Dating is all about figuring out whether a person is the one.

But that means you might have to go through a lot of people before you hit the mark. Dating, especially if you’re serious about it, requires you to dedicate plenty of time.

Sometimes, this time and energy that you put in can add up to a significant amount.

If not balanced well, you might end up finding yourself short of time for self-development, career goals, or time with friends and family – the segments of life that are relatively more stable and promising.

ItΓÇÖs Too Time-Consuming

3. You Spend a Fair Amount of Money on It

Time and energy are not the only resources you put in. Finances are another valuable asset dating takes from you. Losing money sucks, especially if it doesn’t pay off in the end.

In a majority of traditional dating methods that are still very prevalent today – this often happens with guys who are constantly expected to plan and pay for dates.

However, it can be applicable to anyone or even both people dating each other.

Circumstances, where one has to take care of another financially can feel like an added burden sometimes, rather than having someone to share your life and problems with.

If you want to understand how the traditional dating scenario is different than the online one, you can read my article on traditional vs online dating.

4. There’s Plenty of Room for Deceit

Things not working out may hurt, but being lied to sucks even more.

Since you don’t truly know the person you are dating initially, the chances of ending up with someone who isn’t honest or has mal intentions can be pretty high.

With the prevalence of online dating, the scope for deceit climbs even higher.

Dating such people can take your innocence away, hit you with harsh realities of life, and leave behind trust issues that can become a hindrance in getting to the right one.

Dating a person like that sucks the most for young teenagers or first-timers.

5. Heartbreaks Become a Norm

Don’t we all hope we can find the one without going through any pain? Unfortunately, dating sucks because it hurts most of the time.

Learning to get along with someone with all their flaws, letting go of those that do not fit well with you, and choosing to get back on track and see someone again nonetheless – all of them are difficult steps to take and make dating extremely problematic.

After every heartbreak, people can lose a little bit of hope. For most people, dating again means putting their hearts on their sleeves and becoming vulnerable, which can require a lot of courage.

But does that mean should you just give up on dating? Read my article to find out.

Heartbreaks Become a Norm

6. Shots of Anxiety, Cluelessness, and Crippling Doubt

Dating can bring a lot of your attention to yourself. The strong desire to have someone to like you can slowly turn into anxiety and constant worrying if not dealt with well.

Constant rejections can often make a person question their own selves.

Since dating exposes you to all kinds of people, it also means that you can end up with a date that gaslights or puts their issues on you.

Dating opens you to the dangerous outside – allowing people to cause self-doubt and low self-esteem in you.

On a milder level, dating anyone can often also make you feel a little clueless as you are yet uncertain of the direction your romantic and personal life is moving in.

7. Too Many Awkward Moments

The pressure of getting to know someone and having them to like you often spreads a lot of awkwardness in the air.

It’s common for people to actively feel embarrassed of simple human acts around their dates that they are just getting to know.

The constant thought of “What are they going to think about me?” on both ends makes people feel uneasy and awkward.

However, that’s just how social bonds are slowly made, and each awkward moment becomes a milestone in the relationship.

8. It Builds Up False Expectations

Most of us, when dating, end up building onto false expectations. You have the idea of a perfect person that you try and reflect onto another – only to end up in sheer disappointment.

No one can ever truly seem to match up to your expectations.

There is also a tendency to carry expectations onto the next date that you picked up from your previous one. Unfortunately, no two people are the same, and you most likely will never find a fit.

Dating sucks because it ends up being full of disappointments and lessons.

It Builds Up False Expectations

9. Every Rejection Becomes a Test

Whether asking for a date or trying to take things forward while dating – rejection is a common pain. But you don’t just have to take the blow to your face. It also becomes a test of your resilience.

Dating can test a lot of your patience and strength. Irrespective of all the blows it may bring to you, you have to keep getting back on your feet to end up with the right person one day.

And all of that is attached to just a single strand: hope.

10. It’s Almost Never Accurate

Just because your dates go well doesn’t mean that the person you end up with is a perfect match.

The dating period for many people can seem all romantic and flattering, only to end up with constant fights and arguments once the golden period is over.

Alternatively, some bad dates can end you up in happy relationships where you laugh off all the disasters.

Sometimes, you miss out on great people because of misjudgment, and other times, you end up in a disaster. Dating is horrible at providing authenticity, at least at first.

11. You Can Lose Yourself in the Process

The greatest loss you can bear by dating is your own identity. People end up being so crazy by the idea of wanting to find love that dating consumes their life.

They forget their own ambitions, who they truly are, and what they want in life.

Others tend to devote too much of themselves to another person that they become their partner’s mirror self instead of holding onto themselves – often in an attempt to please them.

The longer this act is held, the harder it gets to walk back.

You Can Lose Yourself in the Process

How To Ensure Dating Doesn’t Suck For You?

1. Don’t Take It Too Seriously

Especially true in its early stages, when you take dating too seriously – you end up being blinded and making too many mistakes.

When starting out, be open to all possibilities. Avoid attachments or being driven entirely by your feelings.

Letting yourself feel butterflies is okay, but don’t let them catch you. It will get serious over time, and to ensure that you’re safe in the dating world, it’s best you flow with time.

Dating is about trying to find a partner that makes you feel loved- treat it as such. Don’t consider dating to be the end result, it’s only a path to the relationship that will bring you that love.

2. Focus on Yourself First

The most common mistake that people make when dating is shifting their entire focus to the person. We get it – you’re charmed and swayed by your future prospects.

Focussing on yourself not only raises your bar in dating, but it also makes you more attractive. But most importantly, it helps you not get played.

When you focus on yourself, failing at one partner doesn’t pull you down or break you apart. You can hold onto your identity and be a complete individual by yourself.

The healthiest relationships arise between two independent individuals who choose to depend on each other out of love.

3. Avoid Holding Expectations

Expectations hurt – we’ve all been there. How to not get hurt? First, don’t expect too much.

While it’s okay for you to hold onto your standards, expect to be treated with respect, or set boundaries, you shouldn’t expect much out of your future.

Set aims and goals, but do not be too rigid about them. Know that things could go wrong, but don’t make yourself too paranoid about it, either.

Not expecting much from your partner will also allow your relationship with them to flourish naturally. You will not try to fit yourself or your partner in a box.

Things tend to get really ugly after a while of nagging and forcing: all of which can be simply avoided by letting your expectations go.

Avoid Holding Expectations

4. Learn to “Go with the Flow”

You can relieve a lot of stress in life if you simply learn to “go with the flow”. Of course, it’s easier said than done, but changing your mindset and pushing yourself a little every day will do the trick.

It will help you become a carefree person, ease your anxieties and fears, and take dating as a fun way to meet new people rather than a painful process of finding love.

While you still might be heartbroken when you’re turned down or can’t find the one – adopting this mentality will also make heartbreaks much easier to deal with.

5. Invest Only What You Can Afford

Dating sucks when it drains you, but it doesn’t have to be that way. You do not have to become the bigger person who gives their all or feels guilty or obliged to provide for your partner.

Whether it is time, energy, effort, or money – give only what you can and when you can. You shouldn’t also feel like you have to match up with your partner. Everyone’s circumstances are different.

Your relationship does not have to be equal parts, give and take. Rather it should be a healthy balance. Give enough, and leave some for your own security too.

Just make sure you don’t take this advice as an excuse not to make your partner feel special, either.

6. Utilize Social Groups and Activities

One person cannot be your whole world. People tend to go crazy in dating because they get hyper-focused on a single person and a single aim.

A simple solution to keep your dating life healthy and stop obsessing over your date is to have a life outside of them.

Make sure you still meet up with your new friends, engage in activities that are not dates, and become part of new social groups when you can.

With your interests and your own circle of people, you will feel more secure, independent, and strong as a person.

Utilize Social Groups and Activities

7. Put Your Best Foot Forward

Losing a date can leave behind plenty of self-doubt and loathing – we’ve established that.

But if you try to put your best foot forward and acknowledge that you did what you could, it wouldn’t penetrate too deep. Breaking it off would still sting, but you won’t sit, sulk, and blame yourself for it.

Putting your best foot forward lets you know that the person who left was not meant for you.

It leaves behind a sense of satisfaction in your heart when you are your best self, and it will help you land the right person much quicker.

8. Know What You Want

Wouldn’t it suck if you invested months into a person building a specific life only to discover that that’s not what you want?

It’s never guaranteed that you’re going to enjoy and love what you’ve been searching for, but there are certainly ways to get the odds in your favor.

Avoid jumping on a date out of desperation. Instead, spend some time with yourself and observe the kind of people you hang out with, the people you like being around, and the habits that bug you.

Before you date, it’s best to build a sense of self-awareness.

9. Be Honest and Upfront

Just because you’re trying to find love doesn’t mean you should go get it at any cost. Forget the romcoms where a game of pretense can end well.

The longer you avoid being truthful and direct about what you’re looking for in a relationship, the more misery you bring upon yourself.

Let your partner know what you want, what you love, what you hate, and what you’re looking for as you progress with your dates.

You do not have to agree to everything your partner tells you just out of fear of rejection. You better end up single than lie to yourself and be hurt in the long run.

Be Honest and Upfront

10. Trust Your Intuition

The most important dating advice of all is: Trust your gut. Your mind and body know what’s right or wrong, and your intuition is likely to hit you in either case.

That’s where we get the “I just knew somehow” stories of finding love. The sadder part is not everyone reading this will be intuitive. What you can do is work on it.

Learn to quiet the noise, put your feelings and insecurities aside, and try to listen to yourself. What is the strongest desire or urge within you?

Intuitiveness can be learned, and it will help you a great deal with more than just dates!


Like every other thing, dating will come with its pros and cons. Just because it’s scary doesn’t mean you have to run away from it.

While dating can hurt, it can also be quite fun. Most important of all, it will teach you a lot of things about yourself and others.

So enjoy it while you can! Most people cherish their dating past years after they’ve found the one, making it a loving memory of what made them their present.

Shashank Verma

A trained theatre actor and a STEM graduate who brings perspectives and methods from these worlds into dating and relationships. Also a big time Krav Maga enthusiast and practitioner.

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