How To Get Over Your First Heartbreak? | Steps That Work

Heartbreaks hurt a lot but what if it is the very first one? We know that feeling of helplessness and something tearing us apart!

To get over your first heartbreak, do not look for a golden trick. There is a combination of steps that will gradually ease your pain and help you overcome this hurtful phase. If you keep on trying to find a shortcut, you might feel happy for a short while, but it will take forever to get over your ex.

Therefore, it is a much better solution to focus on a step by step process.

Before We Begin

Whenever the more experienced ones take a trip down the memory lane of past relationships, the thoughts of breakups are common.

While thinking about our previous relationships, the good ones, the bad ones, the naughty ones, the irritating ones, and the ugly ones, our first relationship exists alongside.

Along with it stands the horrifying memory of our first heartbreak.

What you are going through is not unique, not abnormal, has happened to most of the people around you at some point, and only made them strong and stable emotionally.

Howsoever difficult the situation is, you’ll always get past through it if you follow these simple steps that we are going to give you.

How To Heal Your First Broken Heart?

To heal your first broken heart, stop living in denial. Accept that your relationship is over and both of you are exes to each other. Be open to the idea that you may never see your ex again. Become a bit selfish and think about healing yourself rather than trying to give the relationship another shot.

1. Cry Your Heart Out

Cry your heart out and let those emotions flow with tears. It is usual for both boys and girls to cry after their break up.

Shedding tears release oxytocin. Crying makes us feel pleasant, relaxed, and lifts our spirits. It is the first step toward letting your emotions out and moving on.

Let out all those negative emotions, think about only those times where maybe your ex has let you down and where you got mistreated, even a little bit.

All their negativity that has impacted you, how you devoted all your love, and got treated horribly in return. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies.

If that were the case, then you wouldn’t be going through this heartbreak. Don’t think about happy and enjoyable times.

It is the first step towards moving forward with your life and a lesson to remember.

Sad man crying while sitting on steps in a hoodie

2. Your Bed Is Your Enemy

You open your eyes every morning and realize you don’t have that person in your life anymore to whom you sent morning texts every day.

And then you feel like not getting up from the bed at all.

You want to go into a deep slumber again as it’s the only time where your mind is at peace, and you are not thinking about them.

Howsoever fascinating the thought is, just get out of bed and go out. Look out of your window.

The whole world is out there waiting for you, so go out and get some sunlight. Avoiding and running away from the problem is not the answer here.

Face it and try to catch up with life.

3. Start Any Form Of Physical Activity

A peaceful soul resides in a healthy body. To feel good, you need to act right and keep your body fit.

Don’t make your body a hub of laziness and various diseases with endless suffering.

So it’s time to go gyming, running, dancing, swimming, martial arts, playing a sport, etc.

Just pick anything that you are interested in. When exhausted, your body releases endorphins i.e., the stress-busting hormones. It is vital to stay in shape and look good.

TABLE: Stress Management Techniques Deployed By People & Their Responses

Stress Management MethodBest Response Based On ResultsPercentage Of People
Sleeping more“Doesn’t feel much different”91%
Surfing the web or using social media“It took my mind off for a while”29%
Watching T.V., movies or playing video games“Couldn’t concentrate much”82%
Playing a sport or exercising“I feel light and less anxious”78%
Source: A survey conducted by on 137 people who were either going through a breakup or got over one recently.

You’ll feel like quitting initially but think of it as that you don’t want to show that person how devastated your life is after them.

Teach yourself the value of living a healthy life.


4. Visit Places With People And Avoid Isolated Spots

Alright! It’s been days since you may have gotten out of that room. Call your best friends and tell them to join you.

Wear your best outfit and get out of that lonely, depressing room. Go shopping, treat yourself, you deserve it. Maybe go and party.

Do whatever you want, just let yourself loose. Hustle bustle distracts us whereas isolation is depressing when you are going through a tough time.

We get to see new people from all walks of life. Take time to appreciate the small things in life that we never even notice.

When you’ll do so, maybe, you’ll realize the problems in your life are not that big a deal, and everything will fall in the right place eventually.

5. Engage In A Hobby You Never Tried Or Learn Something New 

Are you spending too much time thinking about them? Well, here is a little tip to avoid those brain-sucking memories.

When you are in a relationship, you try to give most of your time to your partner.

We give them priority over us. Now when you got hold of your life again, why not try and do things that please you?

Maybe start a new hobby that you have never tried before or left in-between. Watch movies, read books, learn singing, or start playing the guitar.

Get busy working or learn a new language. There are a variety of things out there that you can try and would enjoy doing.

6. Delete Your Ex’s Number From Your Contact List

It’s tough to keep yourself from calling them or contacting them, but please don’t do that. Just delete their number from your phone.

Seeing their name on your contact list may tempt you to call or text them. Never do that. They don’t want you in their life.

This will make you look needy and no one wants to be with a needy person. Moreover, it will only make things worse for you.

Talking to them will bring back all the memories that you’ve been trying so hard to forget. This will restrict the process of you moving on.

You don’t rub salt on the wounds, right? So it’s essential to not contact your ex to start the healing process.

sad man checking phone

7. Delete Your Ex’s Pictures From Your Phone

Do you still have their pictures on your phone? If yes, then delete them immediately.

Are you keeping them as the only memories you have of that person and will always cherish them as a souvenir? Well, that’s cute but not true.

Once you are over your ex and dating someone new, deleting those pictures would be the first thing you’d do.

Why not delete them now and save yourself the pain of looking at those pictures and think of that failed relationship?

Even if you don’t delete those pictures, you’ll never have time to look at them and reminisce.

The only thing those pictures will do is suck up space in your phone or in your photo album, which could be used for new and worthy memories.

8. Unfollow/Block Your Ex On Social Media

Notifications from their account would remind you of them and leave you in distress.

Unfollow them if you have a strong will, and you are sure that you won’t look at their profile. Block them otherwise. Just do it.

Not only this will keep you from seeing them again and again, but it will also stop you from viewing any heart-breaking posts from your ex.

Not knowing what is going on in their life is way better than seeing every day how happy they are or how well they are doing in their life (even if that is not completely real).

Also, avoid putting sad statuses. That is so cliched.

Why you want the whole world to know what you are going through? Ghost your ex and let them wonder what’s going on in your life.

9. Throw Out Any Gifts Or Memorabilia

Gifts are a symbol of love, care, and understanding. Just like the pictures, they are also a reminder of time well spent with someone special.

When you are no longer with that someone special, those gifts lose their uniqueness, and all of their meaning gets lost too.

If you don’t want to look at those gifts anymore, then donate them, sell them, re-gift them, or throw them out.

In case you feel your ex is the kind of a person who would want them back then stash them away from your sight. Do whatever you feel like doing as long as it helps you.

Because the whole purpose is to feel better and relieved. You would anyways be doing it today or five months later or maybe years from now.

So why not now? Whenever you are ready, detach yourself of old feelings and unwanted memories.

sad teddy bear

10. Do Not Listen To Sad Songs

Songs are very relatable. We tend to listen to songs according to what we feel. It is very likely that at this time, you would want to listen to sad songs.

But avoid sad songs and any song that has memories attached to them. The songs they dedicated to you or you did to them.

The songs that you listened to together and related to, everything is deadly. Sad songs make you feel depressed and slow you down.

You will drown in sorrow and hit rock bottom. You need to feel upbeat, peppy, and happy right now.

Try listening to motivational songs, the ones that give hope, and songs that cheer you up every time you listen to them.

Try to connect with your true self. An upbeat song is equal to an upbeat you.

11. Do Not Drown Yourself In Alcohol, Cigarettes, Weed Or Drugs

Some people want to destroy their life after their first heartbreak. To soothe and numb the pain, they drown themselves in alcohol and drugs.

This is only a temporary escape and will lead you right to severe addiction and sometimes a dangerous, illegal lifestyle.

Even if you dodge the addiction, you will come out of this feeling even worse, guilty of ruining your precious time and life.

And how can we ignore the load of health problems? Don’t try to sabotage your healing process by consuming drugs.

It’s tough to accept the fact that you are no longer together with the person you may have planned your whole life with.

As traumatizing and life-shattering this reality is, you have to accept it. Don’t try to find an escape route or a shortcut.

Accepting that pain is an essential part of the process too.

12. Don’t Stalk Them Or Try And Hack Their Phone, Social Media Account

Not only this is morally wrong but a legal blunder as well. Hacking someone’s phone or account is punishable under cyber laws almost everywhere.

You can be sent to prison or fined heavily if caught. Not worth it, right? Just let your ex be.

And stalking them will almost certainly lead to a restraining order being put on you. There is a reason that this person is not in your life, and you couldn’t make it as a couple.

Why risk everything for someone who is not even a part of your life anymore?

Stalking them will only waste your time, and you’ll end up hurting yourself.

Also, if there was a tiny chance of you guys coming back together ever in the future, by doing such things, you’ll lose that too.

Focus on making your life beautiful instead of making their life miserable.

hacker in a hoodie

13. Eat Healthy And Never Skip Meals

There might be days when you wouldn’t want to eat at all amid your heartbreak, but it’s crucial to eat healthy food and never skip a meal.

Usually, you won’t feel like eating, but still, you have to! Why starve yourself for someone who may be out there right now ordering a pizza? Also, try eating healthy.

Junk food, a high-calorie diet, gives us temporary pleasure but makes us sluggish afterward.

We feel even sadder due to guilt, whereas healthy food will provide you with the required energy and help you feel fresh.

And you want that energy the most right now. Feel free to eat a cheat meal once a week though, but refrain from anything more than that.

14. Work On Your Grooming

Enough is enough! You’ve grieved a lot. Now it’s time for you to look in the mirror and ask yourself what you want? Do you want to stay here forever or get out?

If the answer is what it should be, then let’s go out. Congratulations! You have made significant progress.

Falling in love with yourself is the first thing you need now. Do not expect that someone will love you when you are not in love with yourself.

Grooming will not only give you positive energy but also attracts potential dates. So put those pajamas and t-shirts away.

Go for a new haircut or trim your beard. Hit the salon or consult a stylish friend and take the best care of yourself.

15. Actively Meet New People Or Seek Dates

We should coat a fresh layer of paint over a dirty wall. It is essential to make new and happy memories.

Our mind won’t miss someone if we don’t give it the space to do so, and instead, it is occupied by some other person. Dating someone could be a scary thought at first.

But don’t wait till you feel are ready to replace your ex with someone new because you will not feel ready anytime soon.

This may make you feel guilty as if you are betraying your ex or fooling the ones you are dating as you don’t want to step into something serious right now.

But once you go out on two or three dates, things will get better.

You’ll meet new people who’ll treat you better, make you feel desired, and knowing them would be a great experience and a great way to gain your lost confidence.

Go with the flow. You’ll enjoy some new company.

go out on dates

16. Talk To Friends, Family, And Express Yourself

It is often said that one should share their pain with others as it lightens the heart. Crying over a close one’s shoulder is always better than crying alone.

Spending time with your loved ones is a great way to overcome difficult times and make new happy memories.

It always feels nice when you have someone to talk to in your highs and lows. Friends and family are the ones who are always there for you no matter what.

Takeout time and meet them. It will keep you occupied and distract your mind. Try to cook something for them or go out for dinner. It will cheer you up.

17. Rinse And Repeat

You might find yourself back on square one. Might feel like calling or texting your ex. Even if you follow all the steps, at times you’ll feel like quitting.

You’ll miss them everyday and feel like talking to them, meeting them, sharing your everyday experience, and whatnot. Don’t worry, it’s normal.

After all, you can not forget someone overnight. All those memories and emotions will not vanish suddenly. You need to be stronger and act wisely.

It takes a lot of willpower to stay focused in such a crucial time of your life where at every point, your heart wants to go against your mind.

Start all over again and repeat until you win over this situation. You can’t give up. Achieve the impossible. You are a lion/lioness. Roar!

What Not To Do If Your Ex Calls Or Texts You Or You See Them Somewhere?

In case you haven’t blocked them already and they happen to call you, don’t respond.

If somehow you do decide against it, don’t be rude or mad at them because you don’t want to show your ex how they’ve affected your life and how they still live in your mind, rent free.

Don’t walk into that trap.

Don’t ask what is going on in their life as this shows you still care about them and are curious to know if they feel the same for you.

Deep inside, you don’t want to know what is happening in their life as it will hurt you if they are seeing someone else.

Don’t ask them to meet you because you don’t want to restart what you are trying hard to end and will only end up on square one.

In case they want to meet you for whatever reason, say maybe they’re asking their gifts back then keep the meeting short and to the point.

You should be polite but there is no need to see them for a longer duration than required.

Man and woman who are exes now talking to each other politely

How You Behave Now Is How You’ll Be Remembered

Don’t ever cry and beg to get back because this shows how desperate you are and not mature, strong enough to handle a breakup.

And you may end up ruining your own life. Don’t try to dig up old wounds, play blame games try and make them jealous by telling fake stories.

Don’t discuss their dating life, ask them about theirs, or try to judge them. It only shows how low a person can get after they are no longer together.

Also, it will only heat up the conversation and make things worse for both of you. You may find yourself feeling angry after that and will hate each other forever.

Some people also abuse their ex after they are no longer together.

They say nasty things, threaten them, and behave like a complete idiot as if they were never in love with that person.

So, if you did love someone at some point in time, then don’t do this to them regardless of the situation.

Respect and cherish what you had and move on with no grudges.

What To Do If You Accidentally Come Across Your Ex?

If they ask to meet you, politely refuse if you don’t want to get back. You need to contemplate whether the decision to not be together is best for you or not.

Don’t be uncertain, doubtful about your choices, or have second thoughts in mind.

If you are then you can meet them to clear the air.

But remember that meeting should be an option to consider when you are sure that the other person is also interested in making things right with you.

Otherwise, it won’t be anything more than just a reminder of your failed relationship and baggage of emotions.

If that is the case then you are just scratching your old wounds and making them more painful and vulnerable.

Your Ex Is As Scared And Awkward As You

If you happen to meet them somewhere accidentally, don’t freak out, try to run away or ignore and hide. Just acknowledge your ex with a smile.

Your ex is going through a breakup just like you are.

Maybe you’d feel that you are not looking your best at that time and should leave to save yourself from the embarrassment.

Still, don’t run away. Be confident enough to show your ex that you are doing just fine. Moreover, you don’t need their validation, do you?

Don’t talk for more than five minutes (this applies to phone calls too) and politely tell them you have to go or are busy.

Always be smiling and cheerful even if you are burning from within.

No use showing how much hurt you are, won’t help at all.

you can get over your first heartbreak


Getting over the first heartbreak is difficult, but not impossible. It will just take a little bit of courage and belief in self.

Take your time to grieve and mourn over this loss, but don’t stay stuck forever in one place. Try to forgive the person but never forget the experience.

Now tell us how do you plan to get over your first breakup? Tell us in the comments below.

Or if you know any other valuable tips or tricks, then share those too!

Shashank Verma

A trained theatre actor and a STEM graduate who brings perspectives and methods from these worlds into dating and relationships. Also a big time Krav Maga enthusiast and practitioner.

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