Texting has taken communication a long way, but it still lacks the essence of real-time conversation. It does not always express emotions accurately; hence breaking up over text may be the wrong move.
According to a 2014 survey, nearly 54% of people admitted to breaking up via text, whereas another survey in 2018 sent the statistic up to 58%. However, a whopping 69% of a population aged 20-50 have admitted to being on the receiving end of a text breakup.
While statistics are highly variable, depending upon time, age group, and gender identity or preference, more breakups have occurred over text than in person.
Is It Acceptable To Break Up Via Text?
Irrespective of how common it is, breaking up via text is often- but not always- frowned upon and unacceptable. Let us see why:
1. Your Partner Does Not Get The Closure They Deserve
When you’ve been with someone for a long time and share a strong common history, letting each other go and building a new life from scratch is as hard as it gets.
Change can be quite uncomfortable and stressful. However, it all gets worse if a person is left completely unaware of what went wrong.
Breaking up via text can leave a lot of loose ends, and if you’ve been in a fairly stable and understanding relationship – your partner deserves to know.
Having a transparent conversation and letting them know why it’s not working out for you is necessary.
Some might and some might not take it well, but you must provide proper closure so that it ends cleanly and you can move on with none of you hoarding feelings.
2. You Are Simply Being Avoidant
If the sole reason for your desire to break up via text is to avoid the consequences of breaking up – it is just as unhealthy for you as for someone on the receiving end.
It is easy for people to get used to the safety of their screens and avoid stressful feelings. Developing empathy is a key aspect of human development.
Allowing yourself to understand the repercussions of breaking up will help you become more responsible and careful in choosing partners.
It will also improve your path to a new relationship in the future and help you build strength and resilience to do what is best for you with an awareness of your own flaws and errors.
In the long run, breaking up in person today can help you establish stronger relationships in the future.
3. Your Feelings Remain Unclear
Sometimes, breaking up via text messaging is just not reliable. If your feelings are unclear and you are moving back and forth, ending your relationship through text is not the solution.
It is best to discuss it with your partner or break up with them in certainty and express that certainty in person.
Even if you are sure, breaking up through text can make the other person question the seriousness of what you’re saying.
Calling it quits that way may leave questions unasked, and doubts or explanations unsaid.
4. Your Partner Is Dependent On You
Breakups in a dependent relationship can leave your partner helpless.
This is especially true if they have been financially or physically dependent on you, as it can leave them unable to access the necessities of life.
Dependencies are highly variable, and you will have to assess your own status.
Rather than breaking up on text and disappearing from someone’s life, you may want to help them discuss how to find their way out of your life.
Even if there is no way for you to aid this person, it will cushion the blow when you talk it through in person with empathy and clarity.
However, you should also be careful in cases of dependencies, particularly emotional ones.
5. You Share A History Of Mutual Trust And Respect
To break up in person is a part of respecting your previous relationship.
If you largely had a healthy relationship of trust and love that could not work out due to a particular reason, you owe them a proper goodbye as an extension of that trust.
Put simply, breaking up via text can be rude, even if worded respectfully. Talking in person reduces the chances of additionally hurting the other person.
6. You Lack Sincerity
At the end of the day, your break up (or your apology) has to be sincere, and they cannot be that way via text. It will leave a person feeling unimportant and questioning every moment they shared with you.
If your relationship was honest, the break-up should be the same. It is much easier to twist words and meanings on text and leave far too many open ends to give off a concrete meaning.
Having a conversation allows you room to explain yourself and your partner to ask questions that you can sincerely respond to, and provide clear communication. However, that is not always the case.
Breaking Up Over Text – When It’s Okay?
While breaking up in person is considered the right thing to do, it is not always safe for you. In some cases, it is not only okay but recommended that you break up via text.These cases can be:
1. It’s A Situation Of High Emotional Dependency
Emotional dependency can bring out unexpected reactions or parts of a person you didn’t know existed.
If your partner is too clingy or tends to break down emotionally, manipulate you, or will make you feel wrong for breaking up with them – you should keep your distance.
Know that this is a situation that is quite extreme, one that just cannot be handled.
People who are too dependent may go to the ends of the earth to get you to change your decision, even when it is the best thing for you.
This is relevant in cases of having narcissistic partners, partners with poor mental health, or severe attachment issues.
In either of the above cases, that person would likely aim to trigger your empathy, force you to stay, and kick start a vicious cycle that is unhealthy for you.
2. You Were In The Early Stages Of Online Dating
When most of your connection has been online, on text, breaking up that way isn’t so bad.
It’s more expected and natural for people in the nascent stages of online dating to break up over text because that has been the most comfortable medium of communication for the two of you.
However, if you met online but have taken your relationship much further, it does call for proceeding in person.
3. It’s The Only Way Out
When texting is the only option you have, then that’s what you use. You don’t have to wait six months to see someone, only to break up with them.
If your partner keeps blocking your calls and refuses to see you – and text is the only way to get your message across, it’s better to send it than sit and wait.
For most relationships, it’s rare for text to be the only way to do it with current technology. At the end of the day, a video call is always better than a voice call, and calling them is better than texting them.
Choose the best method as per your current circumstances to have a conversation to break up.
4. Likelihood Of Threat Or Violence
This is not only acceptable but probably one scenario where it’s needed the most. Safety comes first – and in some relationships, text is the only viable option.
If a partner has anger issues, gets violent, or has a history of abuse, you must prioritize getting away from them to a safer place.
A history of abuse can also make it incredibly hard for some people to speak up, who can only gather the courage to do it via text.
You should always break up in a method that does not threaten your life or well-being.
5. Your Partner Wronged You
When you find your partner cheated on you with your next-door neighbor, it is normal for you to never want to talk to them again.
You may wait until you cool off to deliver the message, but if you still don’t want to see them, it is justified.
Sometimes, you may also be concerned about losing your temper, or the courage to break up (and end up taking them back), both of which you know will only bring you trouble.
It is okay to choose the route of texting when deciding to break up.
Breaking Up Over Text Examples
Example #1: When You Had A Healthy Relationship But Wanted To Break Up For Some Time Now
“I’ve wanted to share my feelings with you for a long time, and they’ve pent up.
I just wanted to let you know that we just don’t seem to get along anymore…[elaborate on how]…I think it’s best for both of us to call things off at this point.
I had a great time with you, but we should look for a partner that we are truly compatible with.”
Example #2: When You Realize You Want Different Things
“The time I’ve spent with you has been great, but it’s not clicking for me. I’ve just realized I have other plans. I don’t want you to take it personally, but I think we aren’t compatible in the long run.”
Example #3: When They Cheated On You
“For me, there’s just no going back. I’m ending things with you. Please don’t bother me again, and let me move on.”
Example #4: When You Aren’t Getting Along Well
“I feel terrible saying this, and I could never gather the guts to say it in person, but I think we should break up. Often, we bring out the worst in each other.
You’re a good person, but I don’t think we have been good to each other.”
Example #5: When A New Date Was Rude Or Disrespectful
“I didn’t really like how you acted out last night. It’s not something I admire, and I don’t think we make a great match.”
Example #6: When You Realize A New/Recent Date Isn’t Your Ideal Match
“I had a lot of fun last night. We really hit it off! But I don’t believe we are set for the long run – we just have really different goals at the time. It was great knowing you, but I assume it wasn’t the best time for us.”
Example #7: When They Can’t Take A Hint
“I am really not interested in maintaining contact with you. Thank you for your time, but we need to end this.
Example #8: When You’ve Grown Distant Over Time
“It seems as if we are both building different lives now. We had a great run, but it is obvious to me how far we have drifted apart, and I have trouble connecting with you.
I think it’s best if we both make it official and move on now.”
Example #9: When They’re Toxic or Threatening
“I do not feel my best or the most comfortable around you. I had to leave for my own well-being. I wish the best for both of us.”
Example #10: When You Can’t Handle A Long-Distance Relationship Anymore
“The distance has been too much for me. Not getting to see you anymore has taken a severe toll on me, and I don’t think I can do this. I loved the time we had together. I hope you understand.”
Example #11: When They Still Don’t Get It After Breaking Up
“I’ve tried expressing this to you so many times, but you just wouldn’t take the hint. It’s over between the two of us. Please respect my boundaries and focus on moving on.”
Example #12: When You’ve Been Fighting A Lot
“I can’t keep fighting over every mundane thing – it breaks my heart, and it makes me feel like trash. I believe that our relationship is beyond fixing. I’m tired of this, and I can’t keep up anymore. Goodbye.”
Example #13: When They Won’t Change Bad Habits or Poor Behavior That Constantly Upsets You
“Despite discussing it openly with you, you have crossed too many boundaries. I understand if you see nothing wrong, but I consider several of your acts to be disrespectful. I cannot tolerate it any further.
I’m afraid we’ll have to find partners that are on the same page as us rather than being with each other.”
Example #14: When You Need To Heal Yourself First
“Hi, I just wanted to thank you for being this patient, kind and caring towards me. I loved my time with you, but I’m still actively struggling with figuring things out.
I know this has caused you plenty of trouble and pain, which only makes me feel worse.
I do not want to be the cause of any more trouble, and I would like to heal myself mentally and emotionally before taking things forward with anyone. I hope you understand.”
Example #15: Breaking Up With Someone You Share Children With
“This is very difficult for me as we’ve shared many beautiful memories together. I really did see a future for us, but things have changed. I can’t do this anymore.
I just want everyone to be happy, and I think we both are now making each other miserable or holding each other back. It’s unfair to our kids and to us.
I know breaking up will be even harder, but sometimes it becomes necessary. I would like to talk to you to further discuss how to go about this in the healthiest way for all of us. I need your cooperation.”
Conclusion
The desire to break up over text is more common than we could perceive. Breaking up over text helps people avoid the pain or face away from the repercussions of an action they must take for the better.
After all, none of us want to be “the bad guy” here. Regardless of the ease it offers, it is clear that breaking up over text is not the best way to move out and ahead of your previous relationship.
Unless that’s the only option, seek to confront your partner and allow yourself to heal in time.