To be cheated on is a nightmare that haunts everyone at some point in their relationship – but what if that nightmare came true? And worse – what if you’re unsure if it’s that bad or not?
If your boyfriend cheated through texting, don’t let it slide. Address the issue, express your disappointment, acknowledge the hurt – and then choose your next steps. Like many people, you might be confused. Some say it’s not as bad because your partner didn’t sleep with the other person. But cheating is cheating, irrespective of the medium.
There’s a good chance you’re feeling a whirlwind of emotions. Take a deep breath, and let us guide you through what you should be doing if your boyfriend cheated on you via text.
Should You Message the Girl Your Boyfriend is Texting?
When your boyfriend is texting a girl (and it feels off), you should try and stay out of it. Your boyfriend is responsible for dealing with the situation.
Thus, in most cases, you should first ask your boyfriend to call it off or sort the issue out rather than directly jumping on another girl.
However, the right thing to do can differ for each case scenario. Let us look at the three most common ones and whether you should or should not message the girl your boyfriend is texting for each:
1. When You’re too Emotional or in Rage
If you find yourself wanting to vent to the girl your boyfriend is texting, it is better for you to suck it in for just a moment.
Most of us tend to act in an impulsive and illogical manner in a fit of rage or emotional pain. Your judgment can be clouded, and you may not be in the best condition to read the situation.
Also, your anger should most likely be directed first at your boyfriend. In either case, even if you do wish to message her – you should spend some time cooling off and assessing the situation.
2. When You Think She’s Not in the Know
Your boyfriend might just be a cheater, while the girl’s just innocent.
If you think the girl your boyfriend is texting has no idea that you exist or that your boyfriend is constantly lying to both of you – reaching out to her seems like a good idea.
It would be best if you still talked to your boyfriend about it, but it is better that you also bring the matter into the light for her. She is just as involved in the fuss as you are and deserves to know the truth.
3. When You’re Looking for More Insight
Maybe, you’re just not sure what’s happening. You’re lost and confused, looking for answers and the truth. In the case of a healthy relationship, just ask your boyfriend what it is. That should sort the issue out.
However, if your boyfriend completely flips out, refuses to answer, or you think he is still lying – reaching out to the girl to ask what’s going on is your best bet and what you should aim for.
What to Do After You Catch Your Boyfriend Cheating on You Through Texting?
Finding out your boyfriend is cheating on you can be quite dreadful. Instead of acting out on it impulsively, here’s how you can best deal with it in the best step-by-step manner.
1. Be Certain that it’s Indeed Cheating
Before you do anything, be certain that your boyfriend is cheating on you. Do not simply act out on suspicion. If you’ve seen cold, hard evidence – you can skip to the next step.
If not, you’ve got some investigation to do. Snooping around can scar your relationship, so don’t do it unless that’s your last bet.
How you find out the truth is incredibly different for each person, so take every decision carefully, as it can make or break your relationship.
You do not want to end things just because you are suspicious of something that isn’t true.
2. Have a Respectful Conversation with Him
There’s no other way to handle cheating than confronting your partner. For a first-time scenario, a gentle conversation can close the deal for both of you.
If it has been too many times, you might not want to beat around the bush and just jump to the end.
Either way, you’ll have to talk. Getting closure is essential in cheating cases – no matter what form. That can only happen when the entire truth is laid out in front of you.
While some people can jump back from cheating through text, for others, it might be a clear no-go. Whatever the case is for you, make sure you clearly communicate it.
3. Ask About His Feelings
Cheating of any form cannot be justified – but that also does not change the fact that we’re all humans and act on deeper desires or emotions.
Even if you’ve made a decision on the issue and talked about it, make sure you try to ask about how your boyfriend was feeling in the relationship and now.
Know that if your partner is feeling guilty, you are not responsible for taking them back or feeling bad for them.
But knowing about their feelings can help you forgive them and move on – and make you confident in the final decision you take.
If he’s not feeling guilty, then do check out my guide on making him feel guilty through text. Contrary to what you might think, this is NOT a revenge guide.
It’s a resource which’ll allow you to put yourself in the best possible position and find some peace and closure.
4. Dig into a Little History
Aim to trace your relationship. What went wrong, and what led to your partner cheating? How long has your partner been texting this person? Have they taken it further beyond text? How did it happen?
All of these are great insights into the truth about your relationship with your boyfriend.
If you choose to stay together, these insights help ensure that it does not happen again, and you can work towards a better future.
If you break up, they can still help you navigate future relationships and avoid this issue altogether.
5. Explain How You Feel About It
Be honest and expressive. Don’t bottle your emotions in. If you feel horrible and disgusted, let your boyfriend know. Betrayed, hurt, broken – whatever it is – let it spill out.
People deserve to understand the true consequence of their actions. The advent of tech has made it easier to hide behind screens and not hold accountable. That’s not what you want the case to be.
Perhaps, your partner cheated through text because of this blurred line. It never truly felt like cheating to them because of its artificiality. But it hurts you just as bad – and they should know it.
Seeing other people in pain as a result of our actions can often help us rectify them in the future.
6. Discuss Your Future Terms
Being cheated on is devastating. And some people simply cannot move on from a betrayal like that – especially if your partner’s apology wasn’t sincere.
Whatever you may be feeling, it’s important that you make things clear about where your relationship stands. No subtle hints or no expectations from another to read your mind whatsoever.
The previous conversation would have provided enough insight to guide your final decision. But it’s recommended you take your time away to assess the situation and think rationally.
Once you’ve been away for a while and are certain, discuss your future terms.
7. Move On From the Incident
Finally, let it go. If you choose to stay with your partner, do not let the incident haunt you forever. Don’t perk up at every text he gets or think the issue has resurfaced.
If you continue to feel so, sort it out with your partner.
If you decide to let go of the relationship, do not let it impact your future relationships or trust. Avoid taking the blame upon yourself. Let it go.
Confiding in the people around you, taking time to think, or taking therapy for a while can really help the issue not snowball into deep-seated insecurity later on.
Not Sleeping Doesn’t Mean Not Cheating
Every relationship and individual is unique. Different people end up feeling different things. Whatever emotions stir up in you when you find your boyfriend cheating on you – allow them to be.
Process your emotions, your identity, your relationship – and how you choose to see your partner.
Just because you found your boyfriend texting inappropriate things and he hasn’t slept with someone else yet, doesn’t mean you should let it slide as harmless or ‘not cheating’.
It may suck to have found your partner cheating on you, but use this as an opportunity to figure out the kind of relationship you seek.
Let it help you build the love you deserve.