Pros And Cons Of Leaving A Relationship | Break Up Dilemma

Life is all about cycles – what once starts has to come to an end. But don’t we all wish that the end of our love happens on our deathbeds? That obviously isn’t the case, but it’s neither all rainbows nor all rain.

Leaving a relationship comes with the pain of a loss, but with the hope for the future. The end acts like a new beginning. While the biggest con is the discomfort and sadness which you have to go through, the best pro is that it pushes you to grow and become an even better version of yourself.

Let’s look at each in detail to help you embrace what is to come when you leave a relationship.

Pros Of Leaving A Relationship

1. Re-discovering Yourself

As people, we are constantly evolving and changing. We take the form of those that we surround ourselves with.

Romantic relationships encompass so much of our lives that it is normal to get lost in them. Most people end up taking up the habits of their partners or giving up their own interests.

Unfortunately, many also forget to take note of how they and their choices are changing – and a breakup can give you just that.

The best part about any breakup is its ability to connect you with your own self. While you were so focussed on another, you can now build that relationship with yourself.

And there is nothing more gratifying than to feel for your own self.

2. More Time for Personal Growth

Relationships take up a lot of time, energy, and effort. Breaking up leaves a lot of time on the plate because, suddenly, there are considerable gaps in your schedules.

This is one of the core reasons why people breakup. What to do instead of Friday date nights or Sunday brunches?

What do night conversations after work change to now that they’re gone? Most people use their break up as an opportunity to work on their own selves.

This could mean taking up a new hobby or working to boost your career. Either way, a breakup can actually lead you to a path of higher intellectual stimulation and creativity.

3. Expanding your Social Circle

The longer you’ve been in the relationship, the more invested you get. Eventually, you and your partner feel so comfortable with each other that you stop seeing the need to constantly go out and socialize.

Well, too bad now they’re gone. Even though you might not have talked to them or been out in months, your old friends are still your friends.

Hanging out with old friends will push you and give you the confidence to meet new ones too! Ending a relationship can pave the way to building new and, possibly, lifelong connections.

It’s always amazing to develop new relationships and learn from others constantly.

Expanding your Social Circle

4. Gaining a New Perspective

Since breakups can turn your life upside down, it also opens you up to new ways of looking at things and life in general.

Your newly found social circle will show you more unique things. Your breakup would have taught you something new about yourself and other people.

Just like getting into a relationship, a breakup is also a milestone. The end always brings a new beginning, which can sometimes mean a completely different life.

Based on how invested you were in the relationship, you may also see a complete change in habits and lifestyle – which will unlock an entirely new experience for you.

5. Walking Out of Your Comfort Zone

You can say a breakup brings far too many changes in your life – that’s precisely why it feels uncomfortable. Whether you like it or not, it will push you out of your comfort zone.

You can read more about how will you feel while going through a breakup in my article.

Walking out of your comfort zone will open you up to deeper sides of your personality and new knowledge and help you grow as an individual.

A little discomfort actually makes you feel more youthful and excited about life.

It may sound uncomfortable, but the thrill you get after facing fear is always worth the pain – and realizing that it wasn’t such a big deal after all will boost your courage to try out exciting new things even more.

6. Learning to Be Independent

Most relationships are about being codependent. You share tasks and responsibilities, and you’re used to having your partner simply deal with certain things that they’re good at.

These dependencies can sometimes make you feel either incapable or bound in a relationship. A breakup forces you to be independent and just go deal with life on your own.

While it may seem scary, it is an excellent opportunity to build upon inner strength and your self-esteem – ensuring that you only settle for a partner that loves you, not because you need them or because they provide for your being.

Learning to Be Independent

7. Raising Your Standards

Every breakup can teach you what to be weary of the next time.

With a little bit of self-awareness, a breakup can actually raise your dating standards and help you get the love you deserve rather than the one you’re just settling for.

There is no better way to figure out what you actually want in life without experience. A breakup brings forward certain red flags you would have turned a blind eye to throughout a relationship.

This can then, in turn, teach you what to be careful of the next time and what you don’t want in a partner to have a healthy relationship.

See if your current relationship has some red flags trying to alert you to call quits. Read more about them in my article on when you should walk out of a relationship.

8. Feeling More Motivated

Our brain works in cycles – and each relationship can also be viewed as a cycle.

Like how all of us get enthusiastic about our goals during the new year or push something hard to do in the morning, ending your previous relationship is the point of transition that can motivate you for new pursuits.

You may be more motivated to look hotter, become more intelligent, socialize more, or whatever it is that you feel you need to improve. So why not just use it to your advantage?

9. Becoming A Better Partner

Like knowing what you want and don’t want in your partner, a breakup can also teach you about the things you did right and wrong.

Leaving a relationship often involves reminiscing and introspection about what went wrong, especially when you had a great start. It’s also common for people to blame themselves a vast majority of the time.

If done correctly, all of this introspection can help you teach more about love, its language, and your personality – each of which makes you a better partner for the next person.

After all, practice makes you perfect!

Becoming A Better Partner

10. You’re One Step Closer to “The One”

Well, isn’t that obvious? But of course, we don’t live in a perfect world, and you may never get a partner like that again. Maybe, you’ll also regret it.

However, if you’re leaving them, you’re doing it for a reason. And ultimately, they aren’t the ones with whom you’ll be spending your life’s ups and downs.

With all the learnings and emotional maturity you’ve gained, congratulations! You’re one step closer to the right person at the right place at the right time.

Cons Of Leaving A Relationship

1. Pain and Agony

The worst part of leaving any relationship, undoubtedly, is the pain it brings. It pushes you to face a set of emotions.

The discomfort it brings makes humans naturally prone to avoiding break-ups without a trigger – whether it’s better for them or not.

Depending on how deeply you were involved with the person, this pain and agony can last for several days, weeks, or even months.

This can disrupt many of your day’s activities and make it harder for you to function unless you’ve healed completely.

2. Higher Costs

For people that were living or traveling with their partners, leaving a relationship can be a costly affair.

However, sharing a place to stay, cooking together, or using the same subscription services can significantly reduce your costs.

Considering that breakups are usually spontaneous and unexpected, moving out with no plan or no person to move in with can lead you to incur more costs until you have fully adjusted to your new lifestyle.

This is usually a problem with younger people. However, it is much more complicated for married couples or those with children.

Higher Costs

3. Feeling Isolated or Alone

It’s no surprise that losing someone close to you can leave you feeling alone and isolated.

So many people, as they get on with their relationship, become so comfortable that their social lives are suppressed.

When your weekend plans, dinners, and vacations – all revolve around the same person, losing them can leave you feeling a little lost.

Suddenly, you just can’t figure out who to call or hang out with because they were usually the first person you would reach out to.

4. Losing People

With most long-term relationships, their friends become your friends, and your friends become their friends.

You get along with each other’s families – and losing them could often also mean losing these people.

However close of a bond you may have developed, the split eventually grows, and you end up with your closest few and them with theirs. Common friends also end up closer to one or the other.

Leaving a relationship can mean leaving the entire trail of people on their side behind.

5. Giving Up on Love

If you were crazy in love, breaking up feels devastating. Letting go of a person they love can become a traumatic experience for anyone.

Leaving a relationship is heartbreaking, but for some, it can become so painful that they might end up giving up on the idea of love altogether.

You may feel like giving your heart to someone puts you in a vulnerable position and that it is best to put up a guard and never love again. It’s a familiar narrative, but it’s not realistic.

Falling into this downward spiral can pull you away from finding the right partner and building a wholesome life for yourself.

Giving Up on Love

6. Disrupted Routine

Leaving a relationship is a significant change in life. The sudden change is shocking, and with the added spice of being in constant pain, it can completely turn your life upside down.

In addition, breaking up for a vast majority of people results in a disrupted routine for a certain period. Working, sleeping, and eating – all of your basic chores required for functioning can go haywire.

That’s why it’s best to choose an optimal time for leaving a relationship and avoid causing such unrest during significant career moves or during other immediate responsibilities that you have to deal with.

If you relied heavily on your partner to take care of most of the planning, building your own routine can feel like an even bigger task than moving on.

7. Needing More Energy

With a disrupted routine, constant emotional pain, stress, and change – leaving a relationship can drain your energy. Things that felt effortless earlier suddenly start feeling too much to ask for.

It’s common for you to feel exhausted – and with all the heavy background work your mind is doing, it needs the rest.

But since most of us can’t run away from our everyday responsibilities like taking care of our own selves – resting much isn’t an option.

You’ll constantly need and seek more energy one way or another for simply existing.

The worst part is there’s not much you can do about it, then hold patience. Despite all your efforts, it will still take time to get back on track, which is a phase you must go through.

8. Searching All Over Again

There’s no doubt that finding a suitable match, a person you really get along with, is a tough job.

You go on multiple dates, you have to let your guard down, learn to trust and love, and change to become one common unity. And breaking up means having to do it all again.

The longer you’ve been in the relationship, and the closer that you were, the greater the loss.

Finding people that are compatible with you is an uncommon scenario, which means you might have to meet quite a few people before you can get into a relationship again.

Let’s just say: Leaving a relationship is like an investment loss, and recovering it is a lot of work.

Searching All Over Again

9. Having Constant Second-Thoughts

Even if you were dead sure that you wanted to end things, it is common for people to question their decision after they’ve done it.

For example, when you leave a relationship, you constantly think about whether you’ve done the right thing.

This can leave your mind in a position of creating fake scenarios of what could have been and will be – but the worst part is that none of these scenarios will be accurate.

Your judgment will be clouded with selective memories and thoughts and will impact your sense of being or direct you towards making decisions that aren’t actually good for you.

10. Losing A Piece of Yourself

As you get closer to your partner, they become a part of you and your identity. You slowly start associating your sense of being deeply entwined with them.

Leaving all of that behind means leaving behind a piece of yourself.

Whatever you did, whoever you became was in some way or another affected by your partner who was always around you.

As soon as you stop being around them, you start shedding off things you picked up from them or actions that were motivated by them.

You simply take shape into a new person in a new environment – which can mean you will never be the same again.

Ironically, this can be both a pro and a con (but aren’t all things?). It will be saddening to feel like you’re losing yourself, but it will also give you room to consciously make decisions and become a new person.


Leaving a relationship is like the end of any other phase in life. We love comfort so much that we tend to justify and give ourselves reasons not to pursue change – but sometimes, that’s what is best for us.

If you are planning to leave a relationship, assessing your why’s and why not’s is best after putting aside emotions such as fear.

Let us tell you that whatever you choose – you will do well in life if you follow the right thing. Of course, there will be good and bad, but each is for the best of you.

Shashank Verma

A trained theatre actor and a STEM graduate who brings perspectives and methods from these worlds into dating and relationships. Also a big time Krav Maga enthusiast and practitioner.

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