Dating can be scary – especially when you’re not a natural at it. And your TikTok and Instagram, flooded with ideas, don’t seem to help a bit.
Dating is fairly simple – it’s a process of finding and settling with the right partner. To become better at dating, you need to show how good of a prospective partner you can be and then prove yourself worthy. Some key traits are confidence, intelligence, humility, and the ability to listen and adapt.
While that may seem too vague, here’s a list of practical action steps you should aim for and act on to obtain the above.
The Best and Realistic Dating Advice
1. Build Yourself Up
The one thing that most people tend to skip out on when trying to get better at dating is building themselves up as a priority.
To many, it can sound like unnecessary motivational words – but there’s more truth and fact to them.
To begin with, humans tend to run away from needy people. Desperate people tend to take more than they give and drain others out.
Many dating prospects will just deem you creepy for the same things they love when a charming person does them.
When you’re busy building yourself up to be a better person in different areas of life, you let go of the desperate energy.
And on an even simpler note, better people will naturally be drawn to you when you become better yourself.
2. Know What You Want
In the dating world, it’s important to be strategic. There are plenty of people out there, and life is short. And not every fish in the sea is yours to catch.
Before you jump into dating, spend some time introspecting. What kind of life do you wish to have in the future? Now, think about what kind of partner would assist you in achieving that.
It won’t be a perfect hit, and your assumptions might turn out all wrong as well. But it gives you direction, narrows down your options, and makes you more tasteful in dating. But don’t end up being too rigid.
3. Don’t Go All-In Initially
It’s true that building strong relationships takes time, energy, and effort. You need to have a certain sense of devotion and dedication – but that’s not always the case.
Being too available or always lurking around your partner, especially during your initial days of dating, can scare other people away. Here is exactly how working on yourself comes into the picture.
You don’t really have to lie or play hard to get. You just don’t have to make dating your entire life or top priority.
Make your date feel special, show up on time, and respond to their texts – but let them know you respect yourself enough to also show up for your responsibilities and life outside of this.
4. Find People Where They’re Busy
Looking to find love in nightclubs and bars is usually not the best idea. You might hit the jackpot, and it’s a great place to socialize – but it’s unlikely you’ll find the person of your dreams.
Finding the right person to date is just as essential, if not more, than the actual dating process. And generally, this happens when you don’t go looking out for love.
This is because when you’re not actively looking, you end up finding the right person in a path you both crossed – a place of common interest.
So why not start looking there? You can also connect with other people better and easier when they’re in their element.
5. Take Rejection Like A Champ
The hardest part about dating is the endless rejections or failures. They can hurt like crazy, but you need to make peace with them. Once you learn to take rejection like a champ, dating becomes much easier.
But what does that actually mean? You don’t take it personally when you approach a person, and they reject you, or a date doesn’t work out.
Nobody owes you anything. If you go on insulting the other person for rejecting you, you are not doing the best for your reputation.
And if you keep slumping after every rejection, you won’t get much far.
Understand the situation for what it is and analyze it to figure out what you can do better – what works and what doesn’t – rather than being stuck on it.
6. Be Upfront About Your Interests
Pretense often kills relationships in their early stages. Lying about what you enjoy just to please the person in front of you can only last for so long.
Be upfront and honest about your interests, passions, and joys of life – without trying to make the conversation all about you.
Expressing your true personality ensures that the person ends up liking you for you or provides honest thoughts of you in return.
It also adds more layers to your personality, helps skip the small talk, and kick-starts conversations that encourage bonding.
7. Avoid Playing Attraction Games
The dating gurus, the coaches, your friends – whoever may tell you that you need to play with another person’s mind to get something you want is wrong.
It’s true that certain traits are more attractive than others, but usually in a healthy way.
Pretending to be hot and cold, avoiding texts only to make someone feel desperate, and guilt-tripping others into being with you are unhealthy ways to date. This leads to nothing but disastrous relationships.
You simply need to move ahead where life takes you while actively trying to be the best version of yourself.
8. Question Your Expectations
Having standards is an essential part of dating. But you should always be aware of where your standards are at. For some, they may be too high, or others may be setting the bar too low.
That becomes quite the problem when finding a partner or maintaining a relationship. You can either treat someone poorly because of high expectations or be treated poorly when being too generous.
Either way, you should sit and analyze whether you give as much as you take. Also, pay attention to what others have to say about your relationship.
While others should not dictate how you feel, seeing a pattern of commonality in their comments can be enlightening.
9. Ask More Questions
Being too central to yourself while dating can be dangerous. Sometimes, a strong relationship can be built just by listening a little more.
Avoid pushing your feelings, expectations, and desires down your partner’s throat, and try to meet them halfway there.
During your first few dates, ask a lot more genuine questions. Show that you listen and care. Express your opinions where needed, but then ask a little more.
And when these dates go well, don’t end it there. Continue to express and cultivate a genuine interest in your partner simply by just listening to them and making them feel important.
10. Respect Boundaries
The most fundamental strength of any relationship is based on how well you can maintain and respect individuality – which many tend to miss out on.
Respecting boundaries early on is a major green flag in relationships. And then there are the major red flags in a relationship which I’ve covered in my article.
Sometimes, just let your partner be. Give them the space they need. You don’t need to make them do the things they’re uncomfortable with.
And if you’re concerned about certain traits or habits that are bad for them – take it one step at a time.
When you respect their boundaries, respect yours too and expect the same from them. Do not settle for less.
The Core Principles of Dating Haven’t Changed for a Long Time…
Dating in the modern world can be pretty complex and hard to navigate, especially when doing it “online” comes into the picture.
However, the principles of dating successfully remain pretty similar, and you can find gems for advice everywhere.
Talking to older people, listening to other people’s relationship stories, or openly discussing your concerns with smart and caring friends can also help you navigate through dating.
Rather than feeling disheartened at your position or jealous of others – focus on learning to be the best version of yourself for your future partner.