Relationships can be quite complicated because their terms can differ greatly from one person to another. Then, how do you know what’s acceptable and what is not? Should you be messaging a married man?
Texting a married man, in most cases, is acceptable as long as you do not engage in behavior considered as cheating. For most people, this would include flirting, erotic conversations, or sharing romantic feelings while the person has already tied the knot with another.
It is essential that you understand what your texting relationship with a married man truly means and where you stand in their life.
When is it Okay to Text a Married Man?
There is nothing wrong with the act of messaging a married man. It is usually the intention behind your texting that determines what is acceptable and what is not.
Situation #1: When the Interaction is Casual
Simply having a chat with another man, married or unmarried, is never truly an issue. Social interactions are an important part of our lives and are not necessarily impacted by anyone’s relationship status.
Your sole purpose in talking to a man is not mating, right? So, as long as you are texting about casual things – it’s fine.
Getting to know someone, asking about their family and interests, or being intrigued by their careers are all acceptable conversations – as long as they are done without an ulterior motive in mind.
Dropping in a compliment is also acceptable as long as it is socially appropriate. If you can say it to any other man, it’s not a big deal.
If you feel a married man might be flirting with you and how to handle it correctly, then do read my article on gauging if a married man’s flirting with you and handling it like a pro.
Situation #2: When You’re Asking for Help
If you’re texting a man because you need genuine help with something or even looking to appreciate or acknowledge someone’s aid to you, it is appropriate to text them whether they are married, committed, or single.
Using help as an excuse to chat or flirt with a married man is unacceptable.
Being upfront and clear in your intentions is extremely important, and keeping the conversation largely limited to the initial intent (in this case, the help you need – or even if you’re offering it to them).
Small talk may be a part of it, but the chat usually tends to end there.
Situation #3: When You’re Only Catching Up
If you suddenly stumble upon an old friend, acquaintance, or colleague on Facebook or in your contact list – reaching out to check up on them is very common.
Keeping the conversation light, asking about their present life (including marriage), or reminiscing about old days is acceptable.
However, the line can be quite thin. If you were previously involved with them romantically, avoid bringing it up or thinking about it.
Catching up once in a while is alright, but that isn’t something you would do on a daily basis. If you’re making plans, especially at home, having a family meeting is advisable.
If you plan to meet outdoors and there’s nothing special about them. It’s like meeting any other friend.
In simple words, if the married person is like any other married person to you and their relationship status has nothing to do with your interactions – you’re good to go.
Situation #4: When You’re Open and Honest About it
All in all, if you are open and honest about your interactions with a married man to him and his spouse, you’re doing nothing wrong.
When you’re in the right, you don’t have to lie about when you met your male friend, what you talked about, or mind when their partner read your texts most of the time.
If your relationship with a married man is clear and out to everyone, and you do not feel the need to hide it, then it is perfectly acceptable and alright. A partner’s approval is usually a positive sign.
You should also have had a clear chat with them or/and their partner about what they’re comfortable with.
Acceptable social proximity can vary across individual couples and cultures as well – and you should be respecting those.
When is it NOT Okay to Text a Married Man?
Situation #5: If You Start Catching Feelings
If you find yourself catching feelings for a married man – you’re digging a pit for yourself. After finding yourself attracted to a married man, you should not be texting him.
Instead, it would be best if you avoided contact whenever you could.
If you were already texting him and are suddenly developing feelings of attraction – you should stop texting immediately.
If you feel it’s difficult to develop feelings through texting, I suggest you do check out my article on whether it’s possible to develop feelings for someone while texting them.
Catching feelings and maintaining contact can make you give in to the temptation of hitting on him and possibly taking things forward.
While it is true, it’s on him to stay loyal in his marriage. You should avoid the drama of ruining someone else’s marriage. Trying to build a relationship with a married man always ends in disaster.
Hitting on a married man, even via text, is not okay.
Situation #6: When You Begin Hiding Stuff and Lying
It is definitely not okay to be texting a married man and then lying about it – because how do you justify that? Especially if you are lying to your partner (if you’re taken) or their spouse about it.
Every time you text a married man, consider it as if their spouse were to read all the messages you sent them. If that sounds scary, you should not be texting.
Your conversations at all times should be a green signal to be around their partners too.
When you are hiding the fact that you are texting a married man or lying about how often you text or what you text about – it is not okay. And it is best for you to stop texting them.
I have written an in-depth guide on how to stop texting someone if you’re finding it difficult to do so.
Situation #7: When There’s Definite Flirting (Even if Casual)
Flirting with a married or committed man is a no from the get-go. Not everything has to be obvious or sensual – so do not try to bypass flirting by calling it “casual”.
Pick-up lines, unnecessary or inappropriate compliments, or suggesting attraction is just as bad as actually being attracted at times.
It does not matter who initiates it or whether the man reciprocates your enthusiasm. When caught, both of you will be seen in the wrong, and you should avoid such a texting relationship with a married man.
Make sure none of your texts are “suggestive” towards romance or eroticism, even in a light-hearted manner.
Building up future intentions or aspirations with a married man is never seen as appropriate or the ideal thing to do – even for yourself.
Situation #8: When there’s a Full-blown Romantic or Erotic Engagement
The most obvious of all is having a direct romantic or erotic conversation on text with a married man.
It is never okay to have a romantic relationship with someone who is already committed, even if it simply exists over text.
Do not buy into justifications such as “he is not in love with his partner anymore.” If a person has a failing relationship, they should always first seek to end it rather than sneak behind.
Hence, a texting relationship where you are constantly expressing the desire to want to be with a married man, sharing sensual pictures or words, and discussing future relationship prospects are all not okay.
And texting relationships are a thing. I’ve covered them in my guide on what is a texting relationship?
The cherry on top – bad-mouthing their partner or talking about taking their place is certainly beyond inappropriate.
If you find yourself in a pit like this, it is best that you try to walk away from such a situation as soon as possible.
Being in Touch with a Married Man isn’t a Sin BUT…
Life changes after marriage for everyone – and so do social interactions. How you text or engage with a married man will always be different from how you interact with a single man.
Married men will always devote more time and energy to their families and responsibilities. As long as you respect their marriage and partner, there is nothing wrong with being in contact with a married man.
Ensure that your relationship is purely platonic (for monogamous marriages) or falls within the terms of their relationship with their spouse.
Lastly, if you feel you’ve been repeatedly only attracting married men the wrong way, do check out my article on why do you only attract married men and what can you do about it?